Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How open are you about your gifted kid(s)?

lol! That one brought up memories. I recall being perplexed as to why people would want to teach 9 - 12 month old babies sign language in order to communicate with them b/c dds were both speaking and speaking well enough to hold simple conversations and get their points across by that age. (9-12 months seems to be an age where there are baby signing classes available locally to me.)

I guess that I straddle the line btwn you and your dh. I don't lie or totally downplay dds, but I generally didn't respond to things like the sign language stuff w/ "why would I do that, dd can speak?" There are people with whom I am completely open, but they are few and far btwn. I think that, especially as they get older (dd13 is a high schooler now), and you have a HG+ child, it is so obvious that the child is different and parents have gotten beyond the belief that if they just worked with their kids, they too would know their ABCs in sign language.

I don't pretend that dd13 isn't in high school or isn't taking the classes she is or doing the extracurriculars she is, but I also don't randomly walk up to people or co-workers and discuss it either unless "how are the kids liking their new schools?" is a topic that someone else brings up or I need to vent about something that is going poorly for dds.

With younger kids, I guess I try to remember that these little things are not strictly measures of intelligence. I think if you can truly strip that supposition away from your thinking, it will be evident in your exchanges with other parents.

As opposed to saying, "I think she is gifted," or even thinking this when someone asks about her signing, I would laud signing and the program itself for giving your daughter a way to communicate before she is ready to talk. You can comment on our print-rich environments or how our culture emphasizes early learning right now. Personally, I have come to believe that learning ABCs is about interest and exposure. If it is not letters it would be something else. Toddlers love to learn! Also, early motor skills can be about personality. Attention spans can be about temperament, etc.

That is not to say you can not brag and be proud. But, when you truly feel that every time your DD does something better, faster, or more than her peers it is because she is more intelligent, than those feelings are going to keep you from connecting with other parents.

I think there are definitely times and places to be blunt about it. This place is one. I am way more specific here than anywhere else, because...that is why we come here, right? But, I think you do your child a huge favor when you stop seeing everything they do as evidence of their intelligence, and look at them in a grander scope. Gifted our not, every child is a unique and complicated individual, and not everything they do boils down to an IQ number.

I think if you keep some of this in mind, be honest, and remember that you cannot control how someone else is going to think, you will be alright.

I really think it depends on the audience.

I don't filter when sharing with my family, but don't share as much with DH's family since they like to compare.

I usually don't volunteer the information. However, if someone comments about how early DS reads, I usually say something like "he likes to read just like me" and move on.

I do get the "look" when I do flash card with DS in public, even though he loves to do them.

I cannot agree more!

Every time DS does something new and exciting, my first response is "you did it because you worked so hard!"

This forum can be a relief sometimes! That's so funny--I totally remember thinking why on earth would anyone need baby sign classes? I thought the whole concept was so silly-- why not just have an actual conversation with your baby instead? Thankfully I didn't say that out loud to my Mom's group. It really is nice that this was typical experience for a lot of kids/parents on this forum. Heehee

Love the comments about looking at the whole child, not just how smart they are. I need to keep hearing that. One of the reasons I like my DD's play based preschool is that she's developing socially, which is fun to see.

preK-2 kids care much less about academic performance. Competition emerges in upper elementary grades with school wide contests. And in middle school, you just cannot stay away from gossips of kids and their parents. There will be no secret at all.

I'm open with those who know my son well ( family, close friends ). Other than that, I don't really say much. I'd love to brag like they do about their kids soccer trophies and this and that but me saying " Hey he just placed into 7th grade english at age 8 " just doesn't go over the same as Bobby Sue just won little league baseball pitcher of the year....It is what it is...

I am able to talk about how much his social skills have improved in the last year though and that topic seems to go over fine, so I make sure to get in all my proud comments in those type subjects.

I was actually thinking about this a bit recently as well. A friend of mine just posted on Facebook something like, "We had a great day at our house today, found out DS got into the gifted program at our school." And I can't explain why this made me feel weird. Sure, she should be proud of her kid. I don't really have a problem with it in theory, but my ds was also accepted and I would never have posted that on facebook. It just doesn't feel right to me. The only place I wrote about it was here because I feel like people here would understand that it isn't like winning an award, but trying to make sure his education meets his needs.
As for his actual abilities, I don't lie about it or downplay it, but I also don't start many conversations about them, although I do sometimes discuss books he's reading which happen to be way above grade level.

But part of thinks, who cares, maybe I should have replied "DS too!" to my friends post. But it just didn't feel right to me.

I post some of the brags I post here on Facebook as well, but I have a small FB friends list and they all either know the boys or are relatives who want to know what's going on with them. I posted Wolf's summer reading list there and got a very positive response because they "get" him.

In person I am much more careful about what I share though. Wolf is in cub scouts and his den knows he had a grade skip and is in an independent study program. I can't really hide him from them and one of the other moms has special needs issues with her son so we've done a lot of talking about Bear and Wolf. It's a small den and they are pretty accepting. However there was another boy in the group whose family had... issues. Not with Wolf, just in general, but they were very awkward about the subject of grade skipping and school stuff.

My first reaction to questions or situations where it comes up (Wolf is small) is to say he's young for his grade and follow that with the grade skip if people ask for more information. I don't volunteer information, but I will answer questions honestly.

There's bragging and then there's bragging.

If you're talking with other parents about middle school math teachers and your response to questioning is to say that your son doesn't have any of them because he takes calculus online...not bragging, just a statement of fact.
If, otoh, you gratuitously throw the word "gifted" into every discussion, whether it's needed or not, then it's not only bragging, but tiresome, and you need to Stop. It. Now.