Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Sick of secret club

A wee vent .. I am so sick of having to hide what I feel, having to pretend my son has some sort of "condition", having to watch who I talk to and what I say abt DS10.. and now DS6 .... when did it become OK for other people to judge me or my children ? when did it become OK for other people to laugh at you or treat you differently because of something you have absolutely no control over ?
I am hoping this will change with time, but perhaps not in my lifetime. New Zealand is way behind the states when it comes to Gifted Education. How can I effect change in people attitudes ?

Sorry you are having a tough time. I don't have any advice about changing people but just reading the posts around here sometimes makes me feel better.

thanks KJP

Hi LouDD,

Over time I ended up changing friends rather than changing others (I've been very lucky in meeting people through various programs that attract smart families). A shame in many ways, and not easy if you don't have access to others. Even though I tend to be quite open about dd in 'real life' if I am asked directly and have to admit I don't come across many people who are openly hostile, I do come across lots of people who don't really understand why I think dd needs what she needs. I have to consciously tell myself that they aren't privy to the full story to make sure I keep advocating for dd rather than giving up (not suggesting that you're giving up - I just know that I have to stop myself worrying when I think "if I do that they're going to think I'm mad/bad mother/pain in the proverbial" etc).

It is boring and sad never to get to talk about your kid; finding people you can share with is such a relief. This site is a great start, but actual face to face contact is wonderful if you can find it - but it is hard work because, of course, not everyone is going to be your kind of person and it's a limited pool to begin with (made all the harder for me by my being extremely introverted!)

So I guess what I am saying is keep an eye out for others to share with

I think everyone judges everyone else, just human nature, but they are under no obligation to share their judgments with you, and you have no obligation to socialize with folks who aren't supportive of you and your family. Reminds me of the saying 'Take what you like and leave the rest.'

I wonder if you are living in a 'low diversity' and 'high competitiveness' neighborhood. I do better when talking to folks in general in higher diversity of experience/lower competitiveness settings. If everyone has their own thing, then they tend to be less judgmental of my 'thing.'

Even if you can travel to 'Gifted Events' twice a year, that may be enough to put you in a better frame of mind. We are real. We exist. We just aren't the majority.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I think some people think your kid's so smart only because that's how you raised them to be. You could have chosen to raise them to be sporty, religious, or fashionable. Maybe so. Maybe they are all of those things to some extent and you just nurture the kid that you see they already are. Then other times I think I should quit trying to guess what other people think because that would just be crazy.

Agreed. Helicopter parents and tiger moms are ruining it for the rest of us. Plus, most people just can't fit "my toddler would read all day if I didn't stop her and make her go play in the dirt" into their world view.

LOL @ raising them up to be fashionable, though, because my DD was obsessing on shoes before her first birthday.

Maybe OP can convinse her judgemental neighbors to spend more time in the sack trying to reproduce, and less time pronouncing judgements?

8-O

Thanks for your reply... yes we have 3 children... only DS10 has been tested so far.. the others are about to be... but they are ALL so very different... I would imagine it would be very hard to "raise" a child to be gifted! .. ha ha ha .. can just see it now... how can you teach a child to have a discussion about the causes of WWI one minute then totally lose it the next over a perceived injustice dished out on the sports field... "now Billy go practice your intensity in the mirror ! ... then study up on the war please" ...