Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy AAAUGH! Teacher driving me batty!

So my meeting with my son's teacher a couple of weeks ago SEEMED to go really well. It seems that she was just telling me what I wanted to hear, though, because nothing has changed. The "more advanced" math he was supposed to do started out as different worksheets that were essentially on the same level. Now he is back to doing the same as everyone else - which, incidentally, is exactly the same sheets that he did last year. To make matters worse, his teacher collapsed the three reading groups into one. So he is not getting more challenging spelling words either, and is in a reading group where he has to sit around and wait for the kids that can barely read before he moves on. (He is reading at a fifth grade level now - and while I sympathize with the kids who are having trouble, it doesn't help EITHER group to do this.)
When I went to talk to his teacher about this today, she essentially told me that it was no big deal because the year was almost over anyway. The assistant made a snarky comment about how it doesn't matter what they teach him, because he doesn't pay attention in class anyway. (If he is not paying attention, and still bringing home 100's, SHOULDN'T THAT TELL YOU SOMETHING?!?)
Sorry for the rant - I came home in tears today, which is totally unlike me, and needed to vent a bit. I'll pick up the pieces and be ready to start the fight again tomorrow, I suppose.

Would she say something like this about a student with a disability?

My advice: write (don't call; keep it in writing) to the principal and ask him/her this question.

You might also want to note that the assistant has a prejudicial attitude toward your son and you're concerned about the negative effects of this attitude on your child.

What Val said!

I didn't think about that, Val, but you have a point. Part of me is tempted to just keep teaching him at home, write off this year as a waste of time, and start fresh next year. But you're right - even if they can't do anything about it immediately, they need to know this is a problem.
Sigh....and when I first started noticing he was gifted, I thought I would never have to deal with school issues. Boy, was I wrong.

My oldest is now in college, my younger in 6th grade. I have heard different versions of this for as long as my kids have been in school. And from my own experience - especially from what I learned when I did nothing - I completely underline the advice you've already been given. What I would do is email her with a cc to the principal and to the special ed chair, or whomever it is who follows your son if he has someone, restating what happened so that it is documented and let her know how concerned you are about what this type of attitude might be doing to your son's willingness to take risks with learning in her classroom. I would also likely ask the question about whether this would ever be considered appropriate for a child with disabilities.

One sarcastic teacher sent my older one on a spiral that took almost a year to repair. He decided to teach her just how stupid he was by getting zeros on everything he did - by making sure every answer he wrote was wrong, not by turning in blank sheets. She never once picked up on how smart a kid has to be to get every answer wrong (he has to know which answer is right and not pick it). She said he was a slacker, should not be in gifted, etc. I didn't take her to task, and I am so sorry I didn't. I not only kept her from being made accountable, it also showed my son that I wouldn't advocate for him for the sake of peace.

This year, I've had to challenge two of my younger son's teachers. And one continues her passive-aggressive snarks, but each and every time, I make sure my son knows I'm taking it seriously. He also knows it means he has to be accountable as well.

Go put on your momma bear ... I'm definitely in your corner.

Not that it has helped in any way, but I anticipated school problems well in advance. I'd watch my DD2 put her letters in alphabetical order, then turn to my DW and say, "What are we going to do with her when it's time to go to school?"

Two years into school, we're still asking the same question.

I'm often amazed at how eager school officials are to show off how deeply they just don't get it.

In our ongoing and ultimately fruitless crusade to get DD7 a grade skip, we brought in the district gifted coordinator, and she actually made the argument about breast development. Honestly, I should have won an award for not laughing in her face.

You have a lot of company in that regard.

At least we have this forum.

Keep on truckin'....

Michelle,
I agree with Val et al. We have had a lot of frustration with DD8's teachers this year but somewhat happily more the not-doing-stuff part than the snarky part (at least to our faces). We were also promised 'advanced' math in October and it didn't happen until January, when they finally arranged to have their *on-staff* math person work with DD. Far too little, far too late--although it did have the positive effect of motivating us to continue IMACS and to start EPGY outside of school, which I think is the best thing for now for our DD. School for next year is still up in the air, thanks in part to these same teachers, but at least DD has had some great teachers in the past so we know where the bar should be.
Best of luck in dealing with these losers.


And...sorry to keep going OT, but:
I have to say, I have not heard this argument against grade-skipping yet and don't understand it--is that idea that a particular individual might have too much development, or not enough, or either depending on the circumstances? My impression from my own time in school many years ago is that there is a lot of variation in said development between different individuals (both in timing and end results) so that I can't imagine anyone would believe this should be a reason for or against grade-skipping on its own. And even if this person thought it was true, does that mean that kids generally who are more or less developed than others should be grade-skipped (or held back, respectively)? Because that would seem to be what such a rule would mean. Very strange. Perhaps the coordinator was using this as shorthand for "there are developmental issues that affect social interaction that might make grade-skipping a bad idea," or maybe (assuming from your nickname that you are a man) she was trying to embarrass you into shutting up by mentioning your daughter's development--although I would hate to think that of anyone at any school.

The gist of the argument is that DD might possibly feel socially inadequate and/or be made fun of later on when her peers start developing breasts and she isn't.


As an alternative to laughing in her face, I quite politely and straight-facedly pointed this out to her... breast development happens at a wide range of ages, DD could be a very early or very late developer, and in any case planning for it is a waste of time. It was a very effective argument, but as we've come to discover, very effective arguments don't matter. These people have made up their minds before the conversation even begins, and the entire purpose of the meeting is to placate us.

Both sides failed. We didn't convince them, and they didn't placate us.


My sense was that she was offering it as one of a number of potential social issues, and obviously she wasn't doing a good job with her previous arguments if she ended up falling back to this position.

If she was trying to make me stop talking, she failed. I was the only male in the room, and it didn't make me blush or shy away in the slightest. Anyway, DW was there to take up the torch on that argument if I didn't. I did a better job of hiding my emotional reaction to this line of discussion... DW was quite audibly and visibly taken aback.

The sad thing is that this woman is admittedly the mother of a high school-aged gifted underachiever, and she quite agreed that the situation my DD is currently facing is how the road to gifted underachievement begins.