Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Kindergartener crying before school....

So what percentage did he need to get right on the end of year test to study at that level, surely the point is to actually learn that year's material during the year, not start already knowing 90% of it?

If your husband is adamantly against homeschooling, have you asked him what solutions he would try? He may have ideas the two of you can discuss, and if he doesn't, you might begin a subtle campaign of making him more a part of the morning drama so he is aware of what your son is going through.

We had a bad fit one year with my youngest, and we had a lot of Yellow Bus Fever that year as well (as in the symptoms passed once the bus passed our house). Some days I insisted he go, and other days I would go sign him out for "appointments" around the time he had the subject that was creating most of the problems at school.

More homework for a 5 year old is not a good accommodation, in my opinion. And if the teacher isn't receptive to dealing with the stress your child is experiencing, I'd enlist the school counselor who will be more motivated to deal with your child's mental and emotional well being and may carry more clout with the teacher.

The advice to stay within the truancy laws is good - but within those contraints, I'd do a lot of zoo, museum, and explore days from now until the end of school. But I'd initiate them before the crying starts so that your very bright and perceptive child does not decide to use crying to manipulate.

The year my son had such a hard time, his grades were horrible. I was fretting over this until my husband pointed out that no college looks at the second grade GPA. It put it in perspective. I quit fighting the teacher and just made sure the damage to my son was minimized. The next year's placement was much better, and the Yellow Bus Fever disappeared with it.

Thanks SO much for all the responses. I've got a lot to think about and I'm going to attempt to use the quote feature and respond as soon as I get my kids off to school. Thanks!!

For the DH convincing, presenting the at-home days when the child is already crying can get you into a corner, especially if the DH is going by "theory" or logic only (Formula A: never give into a child who is asking for something no matter what they whip out...which is correct parenting under "normal" circumstances).

If the DH is never in the midst of the drama it's hard to bring them out of the theory/logic mindset. This goes for morning as well as after school before the all the decompressing and destressing efforts turn the frazzled kid into a calm and presentable child hours later when daddy comes home!

Last year on one really bad morning (really poor teacher fit last year) I walked away from her and out of the house before I had a nervous breakdown, and left him to take her to school. His concern for his daughter and responsibility did kick in when left alone with her.

He was completely shattered after this one experience and was more open to the improving-things conversations after that.

The K homeschooling wasn't as hard to convince him because of how the school people acted at meetings...very unprofessional, not worth the effort at that young of an age.

bzylzy brings up an excellent point. It's a lot easier to discount behavior/emotions you don't see/deal with first hand. I know I've situations similar with my husband where I just had to leave the kid(s) with him for a while for him to deal with so he could start to understand what I was seeing.

I had the same question about the test, if he got a 90 percent on a second grade end of the year test, then I'd probably want him in third grade math, no? And the questions he did miss on the test were a mixture of careless errors, and unfamiliar concepts (fractions and timeline)


DH has strong opinions on the no homeschooling thing, I was hoping that at the conference with the tester on Monday that she would provide that as an option and help DH towards a better understanding and less judgmental opinions. I think it will help my case that it is only for two months, that he has a potentially better fit with his sisters school in the fall.

I asked in the beginning of the year about there being space in his sisters Kinder classes but they were full at that time. I've got a meeting set up with the principal of her school to discuss his needs for first grade, and was planning to ask about it then.

So going to see what happens on Monday at our conference. And then going to really need to sit down with DH and look at our options! I'm pretty bad with confrontational situations, but for my child I'll do what I need to do!!

I have mentioned it to her, and I've mentioned that I'm worried regarding his intense feelings for math class are going to affect his love of learning, etc.. But I haven't gotten the feeling that she sees anything like that at school. I think he saves it all for me when he's at home.

I'd love for him just to get a pass on the rest of saxon first grade math, and just do independent work at a table or at the computer. For goodness sakes, I'd even go into school every day at math time and teach him math if that's what it took. I do have a degree in special education and a masters in Ed. Psych. I could handle his hour long math class. (hehe)

That's an idea I hadn't thought of. I don't even know if his school has a counselor, I'll have to check into that. There doesn't seem to be one listed on the staff page...although there is a psychologist, maybe she pulls double duty. Because in the long run, I'm not pushing and pushing to get him ahead of the other kids, or cram information into his little head. I just want him to be happy and if not HAPPY then not so miserable! If he was happy I wouldn't be pushing at this stage.

He was okay going to school today, he didn't want to but there were no tears. Of course he has pictures in the middle of math class (coincidence that he was better today?) and he's got a dr. appt in a few hours going to pull him and he knows about that.

I may go crazy before our GDC conference on Monday! Thanks again for being a place where I can vent/discuss/question. It helps so much.

Another idea for talking to your DH...could you ask him to talk about the specific reasons he is against the homeschooling? Sometimes people have a particular bias, in theory, but they could make an exception and his being specific could help you tailor a plan to ease his misgivings.

For example, with my DD, my DH just did not want her sitting home. He thought she would feel like a failure, and feel out of sync. So I signed her up for a few after-school classes to be with kids her age and learn something new...even things she wasn't learning in school like Spanish. That made DH feel more secure, and she really did learn alot! She got alot of encouragement from these after-school teachers and even continued with them the next fall. We weren't simply sliding back into pre-preK days, it was just getting her out of there but being part of society so to speak and learning continued, but in healthier environments for her.

When it came to the next grade, seeing the change in her and knowing from how the school acted and not having a decent alternative, DH was completely on board with continuing. However when we moved we agreed to try school again.

That's a whole other story, but so far it hasn't been as bad as that K year. Last year was challenging but DH was against removing her in the middle of the year, that she'd get the idea that when things get rough she quits. We got her through and she jumped up and down and was crazy happy on the last day of school.

This year has been better. It's never a perfect fit with the higher gifties and/or 2E kids but you have to go with the least worse as others have written on this board before.

The future of her education needs alot of work but we're still working on it. But having him see her at her most anxious and talking to her about what she's doing in school (not much!) rather than just breezing in and out like an upper-management level person has really helped alot.
Good luck!

I agree that this is a key step for Moms. I was guilty of 'protecting' my DH from 'the worst of it' and then blaming him for being so 'clueless.' As things got bad enough, I started the subtle campaign and got great results. A few playdates with 'regular' kids is a great way to get dads asking "Is there something wrong with X's friend?" Making Dad do the dirty deed of school drop off is a great way to get past the 'logic' and open up the feelings.

I would go so far as to say that there is only a finite amount of feeling associated with any situation. The more difficult feelings I 'volunteer' to feel and express, the less bothered my DH or DS are by any particular situation. When I start saying, 'Oh, it'll be fine soon.' that's when I get DH or DS expressing their concern. It is OK to decide if expressing feeling intensely is the best way to get to the desired result. A little playacting is allowed to break old habits that might be even less authentic than the playacting.

Best Wishes,
Grinity