Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion SICK of "you have to let kids just be kids"

When these people are saying, "You have to let kids be kids," there's a significant part of that phrase that's going unspoken. Its unedited version would be, "You have to let kids be MY IDEA OF kids."

And the answer to this is, "I have to let my kids be themselves."

Oooh! Great response!

That is a really good response, I agree! It is what's really going on.

When my DD was a toddler/preschooler she spent alot of time really enjoying mud puddles, regular puddles, wet sand in nice places - botanical gardens, nature centers, the beach...she was always filthy (in a good way). I always had a change of clothes in the car or just zipped her home with a beach towel on her booster seat.

I used to get really, really sick of people constantly telling me she shouldn't do this or ask why this didn't bother me. Sometimes I would act shocked like they knew something I didn't, like if the mud was radioactive or something, and would ask them. They would be taken aback. Sometimes I would smile and say, "it's okay, I have this really cool invention at home..." and they'd say "what is it?" and I'd reply "it's called a washing machine - they're soooo cool!" Sometimes I would just let their words hang there and not respond. But my favorite was, when someone would say "but she's SUCH a pretty little girl" I should not let her get so dirty, I would earnestly reply, "but what if she's meant to become a marine biologist? I would never be able to live with myself if I thwarted her!"

So on it goes. If your kids seem happy with how you are raising them and you feel like you're doing what's right for them, that should be good enough. But people who are looking in and have the nerve to judge are very tiresome.

Our dd entered preschool at age 4 not really conversing (we had asked to have a speech therapist help her) but she could read anything in any book she was given.
She was reading the nursery rhymes that were tacked to the wall and other parents were talking about it! How do I know this? The director of the school called me into her office after exactly one month and told me. She seemed incredulous...I told her that our dd had been reading since she was about 2. She would read street signs, etc.
When we suspected that maybe she had memorized words we would give her a book and she would proceed to read that. She unlocked the code of reading early on. We always read to her and she started to "follow" the words with her finger.
She's extremely bright and her behavior reflects it, she's not like other children.
She's now in 5th grade and has had her share of "issues" through her school years.
She goes to a private Catholic school, no counselor (yet, but soon one will be hired). We've gotten phone calls every year for various behaviors....it's normal to us now.
Strap in, people HATE it when a child is different!
The frustrating part is that we don't have any of these behaviors of frustration at home, only manifests at school.....;(.
She's an only child.
Like bxylzy, our dd is an explorer, questions everything, gets really dirty, is hands on......she loves to learn!
It's a gift that keeps on giving.......and I think she's blessed!

nowwhat? I love that "strap in, people HATE it when a child is different!" She was reading in preschool and loved to help navigate on trips already, if I gave her the step-by-step and she could look for the correct exit signs, etc. She still loves to study maps ahead of time and chat about where she is every step of the way.

Incredulous, that's a good word. How dare that child learn to read without their help?! The one that escapes their control.

We don't have the behaviors at home either, though she has transition time from the moment she steps out the school doors for about 1 - 1.5 hours, depending upon what type of day she's had. then she's fine. Up at 5:45 a.m. singing and chatting when she doesn't have school. Has to be practically dragged downstairs on school days.

Well our DDs are lucky that their families think their blessed, I think it's really important no matter what happens. I run through puddles right with my DD, I can remember being young and loving how it feels.

Mr W (4y2m) is still exhausting to be around. Non stop monologue about things and millions of questions and cannot sit still. We have to be on our toes all the time and he can beat us at a number of games. And he thinks everything is a negotiating session. His will power is off the charts. LOL.

For his teachers, other adults, and most of his classmates, its culture shock for them to be around him. He is the cartoon Tasmanian Devil. Many would say he is not "mature" - when he is who he is - extremely energetic with a very active mind.

Yes that's my DD, worse from a conventional-society perspective that she's a girl, many times people said "she's just like a little boy" (so narrow-minded...not enough sugar and spice for you, huh??!) I was told "you haven't raised her to be fit to attend school". But in reality I am much more diligent, consisent, strict and plugged in than many parents - they are just lucky at this point at least that they have "wash and wear" or "dump and run" kids that require little maintenance.

It's so amazing what a dream child she can be when she is intellectually engaged. And in Kindergarten, having to painfully go over one letter per week when she'd been reading for a couple of years did not intellectually engage her...hmmm

Well said.


We're spending some time with my parents this week and my mom said after a few days. "I'm glad I got to see you and DS2. I thought I knew what you were talking about before, but now I really know what you mean."



Love this, my son is also a mud-explorer. My son is flying under the radar for now, but I'm saving all these thoughts of what I'm going to say because I know our day is coming soon. I hope I can work in "thwarted" sometime, what a great word.

Somerdai, it's so great that your mom said that, that must feel very validating.

If you haven't yet read some of Stephanie Tolan's writings regarding the gifted, here is a good one

http://www.eric.ed.gov/PDFS/ED321482.pdf

The word "thwarted" is cool, I might have subconsciously "lifted" it from this article. Anyway that's what you're doing to a child when you stand in between them and what the need to learn or who they need to be. For a parent and child, thwarting their need to learn, even if the general public (or family!) thinks they're too young etc., is very bad for your relationship and not good for their self-esteem. I didn't understand my DD's ferocious behavior when she was trying to learn to read and I wasn't answering her questions (thinking "she's too young, she'll be so bored in school") but now I do. I think I understand alot more about her whole person and wiring much better than then, and of course will have much more to learn.

I gave her what she wanted when I saw how crazy passionate she was, but I wish she didn't have to get so upset to get me there. She's always been my little leader, I'm always a little behind but now I try to keep pace.

I get this from school teachers, when I ask them to teach my child at school. Once it gets to that point you just have to laugh because it's so absurd. I have so far not said "so why can't she spend all day on the playground, then?", but I don't know how much longer I'll be able to.