Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Denial or disbelief?!

My 8 year old was recently assessed by a clinical psychologist as being highly gifted, as a result of having her evaluated for ADHD at her school's request (which she doesn't have). He also said that she has trouble processing information, which is why she appeared to always be distracted.

The trouble is I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the label gifted - she's not doing algebra or speaking Chinese or reading War & Peace like some of the kids I've read about here. She's in math and reading enrichment classes at school but she's not the only kid from her class doing that.

I can't work out whether it's that I don't believe she can do those things, or that she simply hasn't had the opportunity to do those things.

He said we should consider looking at dedicated gifted schools for her, but I'm concerned that since she's only been doing regular schoolwork for the last 3 years, she'll be too far behind and feel like she doesn't measure up. But on the other hand, I'm worried that if we leave her in public school she'll only continue to receive extra study in math and language arts, and the rest of what she could gain from a gifted school will fall by the wayside.

I should mention that I'm not comfortable in my own ability to homeschool her or even supplement a lot of stuff. I don't have a college degree, and really struggle with studying myself.

Has anyone else felt this way after hearing their child is gifted? I know most parents know it from an early age, but we were always discouraged from trying to single her out as being anything more than 'a little ahead'.

When my DD was 3, we looked at the local gifted school. "If you don't enroll them at 3, they're hopelessly behind by kindergarten," they said as we walked through the lower school. "Oh, kids coming in as 5th graders take a month or two to adjust to the extra workload, but then they do just fine," they said as we walked through the upper school.

Totally depends your kid's level of giftedness, and the school's cutoff. If your kid is significantly above the cutoff, I'd anticipate her being fine.

Did he give you specific information on how to work on her processing problems? I would venture to guess that if you resolved/worked around the processing issues you would "see" more of her giftedness. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the ADHD the teachers see is really her acting out due to currently not being in an appropriate educational setting for her level of giftedness.

ETA: Being gifted does not necessarily translate to being highly motivated. Especially if she's been in a traditional classroom for the past 3 years. Not all gifted students have the same level of motivation. Plus, if her processing problem is causing her to have to expend extra energy to get her work done, she's not likely to want to spend even more time putting in all that extra effort.

The ADHD was really a grasp at straws we all came up with in a meeting we had last fall following yet another lost book. She has always had trouble focusing in class, and she loses a lot of her stuff, or forgets things she was supposed to do. We've been asking them about her lack of attention since day 1, but of course we were always told that since her grades were excellent (she scored 97-98th percentile on MAP just a couple of months ago), that it wasn't an issue.

I don't have the full report back from the psychologist yet, but yes I'm concerned that the processing issue will mean she can't adjust to the pace of a gifted school.

My biggest worry is that she'll end up like me, I was also very bright in school but nobody ever stepped in to help me develop any learning skills because I always did very well in exams, and by the time I had to go to college I couldn't handle the work.

Gifted girls in particular often feel insulted and diminished when they're not offered material at the appropriate level, which causes them to shut down. They also tend to be teacher pleasers and social seekers, which motivates them to blend into their environment. So if she's receiving enrichment the school obviously sees something extra in her, and she's got a couple of potential reasons to not be showing them her full potential.

In your place, I would press that psychologist on just what precisely he means by "has trouble processing information." There might be a learning disability he's hinting at there, which could be another valid reason why she's not showing her full potential.

And don't judge your child based on everything you see here. My DD7 isn't studying Algebra or reading War and Peace either. She doesn't know any Chinese, but she's got some conversational Spanish.

On the motivation side, she was so excited to start school and she still loves going. She just doesn't seem to want to focus on the work, and will make careless mistakes on things she already knows. She will read an entire book in one day if she is enjoying it, so it's not that she isn't capable of focusing.

Losing books? Sounds like my DS. We refer to him as the absent minded professor. Kids that are gifted tend to dwell in their head with their interests. Life outside is nothing more than a distraction at times. What your school is identifying as a lack of focus is in fact probably the exact opposite, intense focus on whatever she's thinking about.

I would look into other options simply because you don't want her to get to college before she ever faces a challenge. That is a recipe for disaster.

That was my experience and my motivation for trying to advocate for my son as well.
I recommend to visit a classroom at the school in questions and look and see what they are doing. Also how the kids treat each other and how the teacher treats the kids. Some gifted private schools are wonderful, some are wonderful for particular kids. It depends on the child's personality and also 'level of giftedness' - saying gifted can mean anything from 'top 10%' to 'top .01%' depending on who is talking. And most gifted kids are 'more outstanding' in one or two areas of interest, rather than across all areas.

I agree that somehow she has to learn to compensate for her tendency to not follow along in a classroom. If it were my kid, I'd rather this learning happen before high school when the grades actually count for something.

Post those test results (anonymously of course) once you get the report back, we'll help you sort of if she is gifted or GIFted, and how likely it is that the local gifted school will work for her.

But make the appointment to go observe some classrooms ASAP. (Stuff your ears with cotton when the admissions team talks, they exist to sell the school and know almost nothing about what goes on inside the classroom.) Believe what you observe with your own eyes and ears. What kinds of books are on the classroom library shelf? How does the teacher maintain a good working atmousphere? How does the teacher treat the akward kids? Is the lesson interesting? What kinds of textbooks are being used - are additional materials added? What's the level of classroom discussion? Any Socratic Method?

Make sense?
Welcome!
Grinity

Thanks Grinity, and everyone. It really helps to have people who actually understand to talk to, it's not something you can easily discuss with friends.

The psychologist definitely said 99th percentile, but we're not sure on what! I wish that report would hurry up and arrive already.

I'm planning on taking the tour of the school that's most practical for us as soon as I have the report in hand. Her current school is very eager to keep her, but in my heart I just don't feel it's the best option. She has a lot of social issues too, that I think may be better addressed by a school used to this. I just don't know how we're going to pay for it!

I think I can offer you some hope and encouragement. Our DD8 was identified as gifted in 1st grade by her school, but we did not understand that to mean anything other than smarter than average. She was smart but had no academic passions. By 2nd grade, she started suffering from mysterious anxiety and stomach aches. We ran out of ideas trying to figure out what was wrong, until I revisited the gifted idea as a sort of last straw. So I had her independently tested when she was 7, and her scores were in the HG+ range, which really threw me for a loop. That's how I ended up coming here, and learning all about the gifted issues that do not relate directly to academic performance.

Long story short, we made the difficult and risky decision to pull her from her beloved home school, and put her in the gifted magnet school for 3rd grade. The first month was a bit rough academically because she had never learned how to work hard and persevere, but socially it was wonderful. She fit right in. During the first week, she told me that the teacher told the entire class they were there because they were gifted high achievers. She said that made her feel so nice, yet humbled. Her stomach aches never appeared.

Within a few weeks, her giftedness kicked in, and she's getting straight As. Her friends understand her humor and she doesn't have to hide and distort herself to fit in anymore. She started an informal cheerleading group during recess, and already got them to perform during a school assembly.

That being said, I still worry about her. She has to be told repeatedly the steps for simple tasks like getting ready for school or ready for bed. It is at times like that when I still question the whole gifted thing, but then maybe that's me feeding myself the myth of equating giftedness with high achievement or academic passion. The gifted population is incredibly diverse.

I would say do not underestimate her need to fit in and feel comfortable in her own skin, which may only be possible in the presence of gifted peers. I also think there is value in not necessarily being the smartest kid in class, which has a sort of normalizing and humbling effect that encourages performance. Also, since she is clearly gifted, she is at risk of missing out on the crucial lessons of learning how to meet and overcome challenges in school.