My 8 year old was recently assessed by a clinical psychologist as being highly gifted, as a result of having her evaluated for ADHD at her school's request (which she doesn't have). He also said that she has trouble processing information, which is why she appeared to always be distracted.

The trouble is I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the label gifted - she's not doing algebra or speaking Chinese or reading War & Peace like some of the kids I've read about here. She's in math and reading enrichment classes at school but she's not the only kid from her class doing that.

I can't work out whether it's that I don't believe she can do those things, or that she simply hasn't had the opportunity to do those things.

He said we should consider looking at dedicated gifted schools for her, but I'm concerned that since she's only been doing regular schoolwork for the last 3 years, she'll be too far behind and feel like she doesn't measure up. But on the other hand, I'm worried that if we leave her in public school she'll only continue to receive extra study in math and language arts, and the rest of what she could gain from a gifted school will fall by the wayside.

I should mention that I'm not comfortable in my own ability to homeschool her or even supplement a lot of stuff. I don't have a college degree, and really struggle with studying myself.

Has anyone else felt this way after hearing their child is gifted? I know most parents know it from an early age, but we were always discouraged from trying to single her out as being anything more than 'a little ahead'.

When my DD was 3, we looked at the local gifted school. "If you don't enroll them at 3, they're hopelessly behind by kindergarten," they said as we walked through the lower school. "Oh, kids coming in as 5th graders take a month or two to adjust to the extra workload, but then they do just fine," they said as we walked through the upper school.

Totally depends your kid's level of giftedness, and the school's cutoff. If your kid is significantly above the cutoff, I'd anticipate her being fine.

Did he give you specific information on how to work on her processing problems? I would venture to guess that if you resolved/worked around the processing issues you would "see" more of her giftedness. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the ADHD the teachers see is really her acting out due to currently not being in an appropriate educational setting for her level of giftedness.

ETA: Being gifted does not necessarily translate to being highly motivated. Especially if she's been in a traditional classroom for the past 3 years. Not all gifted students have the same level of motivation. Plus, if her processing problem is causing her to have to expend extra energy to get her work done, she's not likely to want to spend even more time putting in all that extra effort.

The ADHD was really a grasp at straws we all came up with in a meeting we had last fall following yet another lost book. She has always had trouble focusing in class, and she loses a lot of her stuff, or forgets things she was supposed to do. We've been asking them about her lack of attention since day 1, but of course we were always told that since her grades were excellent (she scored 97-98th percentile on MAP just a couple of months ago), that it wasn't an issue.

I don't have the full report back from the psychologist yet, but yes I'm concerned that the processing issue will mean she can't adjust to the pace of a gifted school.

My biggest worry is that she'll end up like me, I was also very bright in school but nobody ever stepped in to help me develop any learning skills because I always did very well in exams, and by the time I had to go to college I couldn't handle the work.

Gifted girls in particular often feel insulted and diminished when they're not offered material at the appropriate level, which causes them to shut down. They also tend to be teacher pleasers and social seekers, which motivates them to blend into their environment. So if she's receiving enrichment the school obviously sees something extra in her, and she's got a couple of potential reasons to not be showing them her full potential.

In your place, I would press that psychologist on just what precisely he means by "has trouble processing information." There might be a learning disability he's hinting at there, which could be another valid reason why she's not showing her full potential.

And don't judge your child based on everything you see here. My DD7 isn't studying Algebra or reading War and Peace either. She doesn't know any Chinese, but she's got some conversational Spanish.

On the motivation side, she was so excited to start school and she still loves going. She just doesn't seem to want to focus on the work, and will make careless mistakes on things she already knows. She will read an entire book in one day if she is enjoying it, so it's not that she isn't capable of focusing.

Losing books? Sounds like my DS. We refer to him as the absent minded professor. Kids that are gifted tend to dwell in their head with their interests. Life outside is nothing more than a distraction at times. What your school is identifying as a lack of focus is in fact probably the exact opposite, intense focus on whatever she's thinking about.

I would look into other options simply because you don't want her to get to college before she ever faces a challenge. That is a recipe for disaster.

That was my experience and my motivation for trying to advocate for my son as well.
I recommend to visit a classroom at the school in questions and look and see what they are doing. Also how the kids treat each other and how the teacher treats the kids. Some gifted private schools are wonderful, some are wonderful for particular kids. It depends on the child's personality and also 'level of giftedness' - saying gifted can mean anything from 'top 10%' to 'top .01%' depending on who is talking. And most gifted kids are 'more outstanding' in one or two areas of interest, rather than across all areas.

I agree that somehow she has to learn to compensate for her tendency to not follow along in a classroom. If it were my kid, I'd rather this learning happen before high school when the grades actually count for something.

Post those test results (anonymously of course) once you get the report back, we'll help you sort of if she is gifted or GIFted, and how likely it is that the local gifted school will work for her.

But make the appointment to go observe some classrooms ASAP. (Stuff your ears with cotton when the admissions team talks, they exist to sell the school and know almost nothing about what goes on inside the classroom.) Believe what you observe with your own eyes and ears. What kinds of books are on the classroom library shelf? How does the teacher maintain a good working atmousphere? How does the teacher treat the akward kids? Is the lesson interesting? What kinds of textbooks are being used - are additional materials added? What's the level of classroom discussion? Any Socratic Method?

Make sense?
Welcome!
Grinity

Thanks Grinity, and everyone. It really helps to have people who actually understand to talk to, it's not something you can easily discuss with friends.

The psychologist definitely said 99th percentile, but we're not sure on what! I wish that report would hurry up and arrive already.

I'm planning on taking the tour of the school that's most practical for us as soon as I have the report in hand. Her current school is very eager to keep her, but in my heart I just don't feel it's the best option. She has a lot of social issues too, that I think may be better addressed by a school used to this. I just don't know how we're going to pay for it!

I think I can offer you some hope and encouragement. Our DD8 was identified as gifted in 1st grade by her school, but we did not understand that to mean anything other than smarter than average. She was smart but had no academic passions. By 2nd grade, she started suffering from mysterious anxiety and stomach aches. We ran out of ideas trying to figure out what was wrong, until I revisited the gifted idea as a sort of last straw. So I had her independently tested when she was 7, and her scores were in the HG+ range, which really threw me for a loop. That's how I ended up coming here, and learning all about the gifted issues that do not relate directly to academic performance.

Long story short, we made the difficult and risky decision to pull her from her beloved home school, and put her in the gifted magnet school for 3rd grade. The first month was a bit rough academically because she had never learned how to work hard and persevere, but socially it was wonderful. She fit right in. During the first week, she told me that the teacher told the entire class they were there because they were gifted high achievers. She said that made her feel so nice, yet humbled. Her stomach aches never appeared.

Within a few weeks, her giftedness kicked in, and she's getting straight As. Her friends understand her humor and she doesn't have to hide and distort herself to fit in anymore. She started an informal cheerleading group during recess, and already got them to perform during a school assembly.

That being said, I still worry about her. She has to be told repeatedly the steps for simple tasks like getting ready for school or ready for bed. It is at times like that when I still question the whole gifted thing, but then maybe that's me feeding myself the myth of equating giftedness with high achievement or academic passion. The gifted population is incredibly diverse.

I would say do not underestimate her need to fit in and feel comfortable in her own skin, which may only be possible in the presence of gifted peers. I also think there is value in not necessarily being the smartest kid in class, which has a sort of normalizing and humbling effect that encourages performance. Also, since she is clearly gifted, she is at risk of missing out on the crucial lessons of learning how to meet and overcome challenges in school.

There is nothing that says that even highly gifted people can't have problems with attention, working memory, and/or executive functioning. It's 2E stuff like this that leads to others saying things like "If you're so smart, why can't you ______________________?" We've found the books "Smart, but Scattered" and "Late, Lost, and Unprepared", combined with some of the principles of the Nurtured Heart approach, to be very helpful in helping our son develop skills in these areas.

My 2e ds had a really tough time with those "simple task" times of day like getting ready for school and getting ready for bed up until middle school, now it's suddenly clicked. I used to think it was all related to his 2e-ness... but now I'm thinking part of it was just a maturity/developmental issue. He also used to lose everything, particularly homework at school and shoes at home. That, too, improved with maturity.

Sadly, his bedroom floor is still a disaster unfit for parents to walk through... and I see no signs of that ever improving!

polarbear

I just ordered those two books. It will probably benefit the whole family.

One thing I did not mention is DD's 3rd grade teacher, in the first month of the gifted 3rd grade class, expressed genuine concern about having to call DD's name because she was not paying attention, sometimes several times a week, almost to the point where DD was "locked up" or lost in her own world. This problem eventually went away and we think it was more that awkward shock of being in a class for the first time that required paying attention and working hard, skills she never had to use much in previous years.

We had the same issues with Mr W and his recent acceleration. Its a real school with real expectations.

Here's another one I really like -
Amazon.com: Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook: An ...www.amazon.com › Books › Parenting & Relationships › ParentingCached - Similar

(although I'm not as 'anti-medication for kids with ADD,ADHD as they are - I did used to be!)

She has pretty much always walked around with 'blinkers' on - she doesn't see or hear things going on around her at all sometimes, because she's so engrossed in whatever she's thinking about. We've found checklists helpful for daily tasks, and her teachers have been helping with making sure she keeps track of her books etc. We also set up a system with them to make sure she's bringing her homework home. It takes an awful lot of work on our part to keep her running!

I always thought she'd just grow out of it, but I'd say it's actually gotten worse recently rather than better. My other child is a 21 month old who was born with a spinal condition. I feel like I have to spend as much time doing everything for her as I do for him, and he's just a toddler. I'm happy to do it if it keeps her on track, but I can't be there forever - eventually she needs to learn to take care of herself.

Oh and I just heard our insurance company has denied our request to get the counseling the psychologist recommended for her. Awesome.

It is a lot of work, and during the years when hormones are doing their thing it looks like no progress at all is being made - it's tiny increments under the best of times, but, for us at least, DS15 has made amazing leaps in this area. Like many kids, his organizational skills were at one level, and his intellectual needs were at another level - so - heavy supervision. This was true but not noticible during elementary school (as long as he was allowed to read during classroom discussion) and most noticible following a grade skip into middle school. Luckily, time, finding a good fit school where he can flourish even with agemates, and medication for his ADHD-innatentive have helped his innate drive get it all together. By age 14 in 9th grade sub 2, he was living at a boarding school and engaged with his academic challenge with zero parental organizational support.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Just a thought, but has she ever been evaluated for absence seizures? While it is certainly possible to be so engrossed that you don't see or hear what is going on around you, (I frequently can't hear when people first speak to me when I'm reading because my auditory system is otherwise engaged), I have seen a number of children who had actually had absence seizures but who presented as otherwise normal children who were inattentive and disorganized and often "in their own world" - and it is certainly possible to have both things going on at different times. A positive history of neural tube problems in close family members doesn't do anything to convince me that that this shouldn't be looked into further. Diagnostic testing (but not treatment) can be covered by the school as part of the evaluation for potential disabilities if the inattentiveness and disorganization are interfering with her educational functioning - which they are, if you are having to give her increased support with homework, remembering assignments, etc.

try asking the psychologist to contact the Insurance Company - it may help.

I quickly read up on it on wikipedia, I don't think this is what is occurring, but I will certainly mention it to the psychologist. The fact that she is only this way when being asked to do something she may not care to do leads me to believe it's not a physical impairment

They gave me a list of the approved counselors, none of which provide this service. I said I would be getting a letter from each of them stating that and sending them in with my appeal

In that case, I second my nomination for
Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook by Lisa Bravo

Giftedness is quite a conundrum, ain't it?

Like some of you have expressed, the assumption that high intellectual ability does not come with its share of difficulties is simply false.

In the kindergarten years, we actually believed my son to be autistic and/or of lower cognitive ability. The teacher said, in more or less words, that he was a "space cadet," disinterested in age-appropriate material. In fact, he was held back a year, because he appeared to be unable to grasp what was being taught.

Boy were we surprised when he was tested and came back with a very high IQ!

In his later years, he opened up a bit, but was always dreamy and introspective. His handwriting was quite illegible, but he seemed to compensate with his intelligence, and made do.

It wasn't until he graduated high school that he admitted to me a lot of thoughts that he had kept sealed inside for all those years. Obviously, as a parent, it's tough to realize you could've done more. Nowadays, psychologists would say he has ADD PI and dysgraphia.

He expressed his inability to focus on menial tasks. He hated getting up early and being told what to think about and when. He hated routine. When the teachers were asking "What" and "When" questions regarding the curriculum, my son was wondering "Why?" He admitted that he always thought himself less intelligent than his peers; that he just wasn't on the same wavelength.

In fact, he nearly failed out of college due to absenteeism. His GPA was extremely low, despite the fact that he was acing tests and papers. He explained to me that he thought it stupid for a class to have a 30% attendance policy. And even more stupid, he thought, for them to enforce it when he could "master the material without showing up."

Nowadays, past college, my son has delved into cynicism and seems to be mired in existential quandaries. He has told me that his ability to do most things, makes it difficult for him to do anything. I want to help him, but it's hard. He just has so much brains, but it seems his emotional development has stagnated.

I feel like I've hurt him. And it's difficult talking to him because he has so many rationalizations and is admittedly much smarter than I. When he opens up, he surprises me with the things he knows.

Ohh... the gripe of the parent of a gifted kid. They've got so much potential but sometimes it's a hindrance not an advantage.

I've found a book that is a scathing satire on life. It captures some sentiments about education. It's kind of an alarming read, but I've related to it on some levels:

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/126692

Looks great, I'm going to check it out tomorrow. Thanks!

Joel: You did the best you could, with what you had at your disposal. I know it's not a great comfort but you're a caring parent and sometimes that has to be enough.

Has your considered counseling? Or career counseling? Perhaps if he finds a calling in life he'll find his way. I have a PG sibling who has had similar struggles in adulthood and it's a painful thing to watch.

My D (age 16) has a non-verbal learning disability. She has many of the same organization issues as the OP's kid... she still has trouble putting her name on her papers, getting them turned in on time, remembering tasks she needs to do on a given day, etc. I still give her a lot of support as a junior in high school. Yet she is an intellectual whiz (fabulous at Quiz Bowl, nearly perfect SAT scores). My dad looks at her and says, "Einstein didn't do so well in school, either". That is not much consolation as we try to figure out her future college and career path, though...

The thought that this may never get better is not a good one! It's so hard to know where to draw the line between holding her hand and having her figure it out by herself. Some things simply need to be done, and I can't wait for her to learn how to do them, but if I keep doing all the 'work' for her she'll never need to learn.

Recently I've worked out that she will wait for someone else to do something for her before having to put the effort in herself. I certainly don't consider myself a helicopter parent, but somehow she has come to rely on the fact that someone will always do it for her so she doesn't have to bother.

She's testing for a public gifted school on Saturday. We'll see how that goes.