Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Am I one of "those" parents?

OK so my son will be five in October. He can't go to Kindergarten till 2013. He is reading all of my kindergartener's books she brings home from school. He adds and does multiplication problems. Counts by twos and tens. The other day he also counted by threes...I can't imagine what Kindergarten is supposed to teach him in a year and a 1/2. So, I set about to get him skipped up. The public school is glad to test him into first grade in 2013. I put him in a preschool that assured me he could go to their kindergarten next year. I feel it would be best if he did Kindergarten next year so he can get used to going to school 5 days a week, get any learning I haven't already taught him etc. The preschool changed directors since I enrolled my son, however, and when I asked today about Kindergarten, she was very short with me. She said the cut off for our school is Sept. 30th. (days before my son's bday) But I'll let him have a trial run next year for say 6 weeks to see how he does. Boys are usually not ready for this socially and even if he can read he may be behind in math. I told her to ask him what 2 X 5 is, and she said she wouldn't "go around with you on this"...While she said she would let him try, and I feel he is more than capable, I'm worried she will be waiting for him to be a normal kid make a little fuss and kick him out. I feel like she expects him to act like a 3rd grader or something. I'm thinking I'll look into another school for next year, but help me out...am I being too pushy? Should I just bite the bullet and send him to yet another year of preschool where he will go over the ABC's and numbers 1-10 again?

I still fight this battle with myself. I was a teacher, and now work in the education field, so I was terribly cautious about not being "that" parent. I was actually the most adamant one in the family about not labeling DS (now 3 years, 10 months).

The conclusion I've come to is that as parents we have to think about what's best for our child. A teacher has to balance the needs of her class, and a school principal the entire school. Often times what is best for the large group is the structure of the traditional age-graded classroom without a lot of deviation.

We've recently switched preschools to a Montessori. While our son's traditional preschool was willing to work with us, even after he was accelerated to the next "grade" 4 months early, he was still being asked to do "letter of the day" type activities, when he is reading and doing math on a first grade level. We're only in week 1 of Montessori, but my fingers are crossed that it will be a good placement for him, at least for a little while!

Did you have any testing done? Near us we have the opportunity for a KTEA-II Brief Form and KBIT 2 for $120. I'm thinking of having it done just so if he scores as highly as we think he might, I can start conversations with the school district in the spring about either starting kindergarten early (less likely), skipping kindergarten all together (maybe slightly more likely), or at least having him switch classrooms for reading and math in kindergarten (the most likely). I feel some "hard data" will remove the emotion from the equation. Maybe it will work for you as well.

So no, you aren't being too pushy. You know what your son needs...now you just have to be the squeaky wheel until it happens.

Good luck!
Kathie

No, I don't think you're being too pushy. It sounds like you have a good handle on the issues, and if this school won't work with you, I'd look at others.

We don't have your issue, my DS6 is in the middle of the year with his birthday, but my brother and SIL have this issue with their DS6. Their school convinced them to put him into 4yo K instead of real K last year for social reasons, because he has an August birthday, even though they knew he was advanced academically (no testing though). They're regretting it now that he's in real K this year. He's a behavior problem because he's bored, he's being labeled as immature although I think he's actually more mature than the other kids and is acting out, and the year has been a bad fit. My brother and SIL are upset with the school for recommending they hold him back, upset with themselves for listening to the school, and the year has not been a good one. As Kathie K said, you know what your son needs, so keep looking or pushing till you get it.

my personal experience would be to find another preschool, or even a private school that will do kindergarden level work. twice now, my younger daughter has "aged out" of a daycare/preschool. Both times, when she became the oldest child, she would regress, behaviorally. Her bday is March, btw, so no where NEAR the cutoff. She would be 5 1/2 on the first day of kinder...this fall, when the preschool tuition was going up again, I thought "Maybe I can afford some private school and get her into kindergarden". She goes to a Christian school that is really wonderful...they have a "pre K" for kids who will meet the cutoff and a kinder (mix of 4 and 5yos) and they use the state kinder standards and she is meeting them beautifully. It will be up to us if we want to put her in kinder or let her test for first (we will be going for first) and her teacher says she will be ready.
It bothers me that, even though they are willing to "let him try", they are obviously waiting for him to mess up, so they can say I told you so. I wouldn't want my child in that environment.
fwiw-I also homeschool our older (8yo) DD now because her former school had labeled her a behavior problem and refused to do ANYTHING until her behavior improved. Said "bad" behavior was usually reading under the desk or not completing assignments. When if became apparent to me that they didn't really WANT to help her, we were OUT OF THERE, lol! Now I get mad when people tell me what MY kid HAS to do...I wouldn't leave my child in an atmosphere where they weren't respected.

I would answer the original question with an affirmative whenever the parent's concerns are divorced from reality, whether imagined or exaggerated. Since your concerns seem to come from a very solid foundation, any "pushing" you do is perfectly reasonable, because in this case the resistance is the irrational response. They call these kids "exceptional" for a reason... they are the exception to the rule, and need to be provided for differently.

In dealing with bureaucracies, it's very common for the person in charge to initially resist. But since the new director knows nothing about your son, it's her reaction that is irrational, not yours.

Give her credit for not dismissing the option out of hand, though. If your child is who you think he is, then he should show he can handle it in a six week trial.


That setup doesn't really benefit the group. It's set up to benefit the teacher.

My son was a late summer baby and met the age cutoff by 2 days, so he started school two days after turning five. He was already bored with the curriculum, so I can't imagine what he'd have been like had we had to wait another year or two.

We dealt with minor issues due to the age gap when he started high school (he was just so little physically), but we never dealt with social behaviors that were due to his being younger.

You're the mom ; you know your kid. I doubt you're being one of those moms.

I guess my question is this - do you have to sign a contract and pay for the whole year if your child is unhappy their - either because he is still bored even in the kindy classroom, or because the trial results in him being placed in the younger classroom.

My personal experience is that a trial is great because once 6 weeks have gone by you become the 'status quo' and people are reluctant to disturb the current status quo. So that natural human tendency that is an obstical now will work for your benifit in a short while.

If possible, go in and observe the grade you are trying to get him skipped into right now - it's entirely possible that you will be mortified by what you see in the 'recieving' grade. That will tell you something right then. There is no gaurentee that a single skip will be 'enough.'

((shrugs and more shrugs))
Grinity

It sounds like he'd be fine acadmemically in kindergarten. I wouldn't be so worried that the school admin will be out to get him, since from her perspective he nearly meets the cutoff, but there's simply a possibility that he won't behave properly since he's on the young side; she's being reasonable by offering the trial period. I would do my best to prepare him to fit into the classroom routine. Impress upon him that he must behave or he'll be out, and back to boring preschool. Find opportunities for him to be in classroom settings before then, if possible, perhaps with local classes of some sort.

Good points.

We told Mr W pretty much the same thing and he knows he is under the microscope at his new school.

Something else to consider is that its still 8 months away so you have lots of time.

The biggest thing is to work on independence stuff. I would visit the K class and observe to see what will be expected of him. I'd also talk to the teacher to get her take on what she expects and what some problem areas might be.

OK so, I have talked with another school that is actually closer to me. They are willing to admit him after an informal evaluation which I have no doubt he will blow them away. So now the big question is should I just go this other route rather than dealing with his current school and the director whom I believe may be waiting for him to mess up. We looked at the new school together. He seemed ok with it. Unfortunately we moved this year so this will be his 3rd school if we move him. I was really trying to avoid that. I wanted to keep him in the same school since he will definitely be changing yet again to public school for first grade. He seems ok with the move and knows it may happen so I'm leaning toward moving him, but I'm just disappointed that he will have to change schools so many times. I will keep him in his current school till the end of this year as he has friends and loves his teacher.

Also I found someone at a local university who will test him! Hooray!