Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Learning too much from TV?

We were pretty consistent signers in our house. We learned the signs and signed with the kids whenever we spoke or read to them -- so they learned from us, not TV. Both my kids had about 200-250 signs before they could speak, and put 3 signs together as well. My son spoke a little late, and almost immediately was forming sentences. My daughter spoke a little on the early side, and was making full sentences by two.

Having researched this, there is no evidence that signing will cause a child to delay speech. A child who "loses" words or milestones should have an immediate developmental evaluation -- that's really not a normal thing. Reassuring, though, that she is putting two signs together.

The experts at the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend no screen time for the first two years of life. A few reasons: having a TV on in the room results, on the whole, in the parent not speaking to the child as much -- and talking to a child is REALLY important developmentally; too much TV has been associated with attention problems in some children. There are also concerns about whether the rapidly changing images might cause changes in the way the brain "wires" itself.

There's nothing wrong with letting her play by herself with the toys or dog or tuperware and wooden spoons. It's actually much better for her, developmentally speaking, than too much screen time. She doesn't need constant constant attention, especially if she can entertain herself for a half hour at a time.

Children raised in bilingual environments from birth typically develop speech slower than their peers in single-language environments, because they're dealing with the difficulties of learning two distinctly different sets of linguistics. But once they learn to communicate effectively, they usually catch and then exceed their single-language peers, and it usually happens around ages 4-5... just in time for school.

This is borne out by research, and I've seen it in my wife's family as well.


I'm not surprised. If the kids are spending lots of face time with Mommy and Daddy, they still only have those two sources for language development. Even the most well-spoken of us have our own habits we use a little too much, couples will tend to fall into patterns together, and the everyday experience of living together as a family means certain conversations happen over and over and over and over and...

Television is great tool for expanding a child's experiences of linguistic patterns. And that's just one advantage.

As with most things, TV is merely a tool, neither good nor bad. It's all in how you use it.

Not a TV anecdote, but a "hearing things from a different source" anecdote... my daughter managed to come up with a word for all her basic needs (drink, change, nap, etc.) by six months except for one: food. A couple months later, my wife enrolled in cooking school, and my mom was babysitting. Shortly thereafter, DD started saying, "num-num" to let us know she was hungry. Wondering where it came from, I asked my mom, who said she was constantly saying, "Mmmmm, num-num" between every spoonful during feedings. It never occurred to DW or myself to say any such thing, but my mom did it reflexively. I don't think I need to mention how much more peaceful the house becomes when the baby can ask for what she needs, and that was the last piece of the puzzle, so we were very grateful.


It doesn't have to be a binary proposition, adult or TV. In a perfect world, the two are offered together... the parent watches the show with the child, reacts appropriately, comments on certain aspects of it, and answers any questions as they come up.

I think there's something to that. A parent can even ask questions of the child to get them to ponder the motivations of the characters, etc. Many active-reading strategies can probably be adapted to other media.

I'm sorry, but I just have to say, I would be more concerned about the XBOX than anything else. And it's not appropriate for your DH to say "Fine, you watch her." so he can play a video game. I can't imagine that ANYTHING on XBOX that your DH would want to play is appropriate for such a young child. He can delay his own gratification for that until she is in bed.

As far as the regular TV, signing, etc...I'd probably mix it up some too with educational shows...my kids loved pretty much everything on PBS, plus there are no awful toy commercials. My oldest also enjoyed those Baby Einstein videos...

And...as far as interaction, etc goes...well. My kids were probably HAPPY for me to turn on the tv and STOP talking to them, lol! I talk almost nonstop to babies, describing every moment of my day, what I'm doing all the time. Both girls were communicating before a year, with The Diva (now almost 5) speaking in complete sentances before her 2nd bday...

I have read that kids get alot more out of human interactions as compared to TV.
As one example- kids/children exposed to Mandarin Chinese language lessons learn little from TV/DVD language lessons but alot more from live humans.
I think TV and video games can be a slippery slope. We are tired at the end of the day after working and it's very easy as a parent to let them watch "educational" TV or play educational games on the Wii or whatever. We really try to limit it and that has worked for us.

Yeah, that. Is he depressed? Is there a reason why they have to stay home all day? Could they take a walk, go to the park, go to the library, etc?

I think it is tricky to reply to your post because it seems like you are saying there is no way to change the situation, but you are worried it is not good for her. I agree, this is not a great situation for her development. You wouldn't hire a baby sitter that play xbox in front of her.

You read rather well into that.
I feel better about today because he took her outside. Driving with her can still be a harrowing experience (crying in carseat), but it has gotten a bit better. All events out of the house are 15-45 minutes away (the closest being the library.) DH will leave the house if I come, but I've got to start working normal hours soon.

Depressed? Maybe. He is unemployed... Sometimes I think maybe and we've talked about it. It is just the way it is right now. He needs to finish college and I need to do the business.

I would definitely fire a babysitter who played Xbox all day. There are a lot of things DH does right...he does really love her...she has really bonded with him these past few months. And he is very sensitive when I start nagging or getting upset too much. He always says I don't see the good stuff he does... and he is kind of right. I have a large number of friends who would kill for a husband that did the stuff he does for us. He ends up taking criticism too much to heart and seems to feel like he is just failing at being a dad / husband.

Someone mentioned a bed time... There is no good bed time. She falls asleep around 11:30pm every night and wakes up at 9:30. She starts stirring around 7am and nurses all morning until we get up. I tried getting her to sleep earlier and it was a nightmare. The tossing and turning began at 3am.

How would you guys handle this situation? There are a lot of issues / factors playing into this and I don't know what the right answer is. I can't force DH to be someone he's not...And I'm trying to figure out how to balance everything without totally ruining our marriage. There are so many things I want to change and figure out and so far my time management skills suck (cooking healthy food, getting three meals a day in DD, going to bed and getting up earlier, exercising, working on my business the same # of hours every day, cleaning our house...)

I keep talking to DH about it but he just says he wants some of those things, too, and then neither one of us does anything about it. I'm working really hard, here, on my business, but sometimes I feel like we are poor / lazy college students waking up late every day and being layabouts. We also both have a problem with focusing on one thing at a time for too many hours / days to the detriment of the rest of our lives... video games or business.

There is a TON of pressure with money, too, right now. Basically, we're in a funk. My dad reassured me and said he thinks we are doing a really good job and spending more time with her than a lot of parents usually do, but meh. I don't get how two totally grown up adults could be so.. irresponsible? Could not have it together? But maybe I'm being way too hard on us.

Yes, it sounds like you are being a bt hard on yourselves. Noone has it all toogether. Adjustng to a new child in the family is HARD. And often it's harder for men. Even wonderful, sensitive, altogether men. Afterall, women have usually had nine months of hormonal preparation to 'soften them up'. Men, on the other hand don't have that advantage.

If you have time check out the book "The Post Baby Conversation" I found it very useful.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+post+baby+conversation&x=0&y=0

If you relly aren't happy about the way things are, maybe try breaking it down and tackle on thing at a time, flylady style. One small habit at a time. Too much at once is really overwhelming.

ok...so I'm reading "Smart but Scattered" and it's about executive skill function. Maybe you should check this one out and apply the information to yourself and DH.

fwiw-I was the one going back to school and DH travels alot for business. I was miserable. I wanted to be home with my baby and that really surprised me. So I found a way to reduce our expenses and started my own online business. Yes, that was hard, but 8 years later, we are still very happy with the way things have worked out. You don't need to change anyone really, just figure out what you and DH's strengths and weaknesses are and capitalize on those. For example, I HATE doing dishes and DH isn't that great a cook. So I shop and cook and he cleans up. If you are both at home, there is no reason you can't split housecleaning...

I suggest a schedule in writing for all of you. You and DH can take turns between studying/working and watching/interacting with your DD. I also found myself micromanaging DH a bit in the beginning and I had to remind myself OFTEN that he was from a larger family than me with two younger siblings and he actually had MORE experience with babies, lol! And you do need to remember and show your appreciation for the things he is doing well (but the XBOX is a no start...no XBOX while baby is awake and in the room). Also, even though some children need less sleep than others, they do still need a considerable block of sleep at night (not to mention sleep deprivation is used as torture-YOU and DH need sleep too!) You need to make some sort of schedule for her as well...outings to the park, library, even the mall, grocery store, etc are stimulating and therefore, tiring. I would try to build at least one outing in everyday...

My personal favorite parenting authors are Dr and Nurse Sears...
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Sears+parenting

they have a whole series and now I see some from two of their sons, who are also pediatricians...these folks raised, I think 6 kids of their own, including one with special needs, then adopted another child. And the first few kids came along while he was still in medical school. I figure, if they can do that, I can surely make it with only 2 kids and no medical school, lol!

We have a very clear image of how we want our lives to be. I want to work from home on my online business and DH wants to work from home programming. We want to homeschool our kid(s) and we want to be able to travel randomly, as we wish. We are in the first stage of making that dream happen right now. I just hope we can get it together to actually be able to function while working at home!

I have tried soooo hard to get him to agree to a schedule. He adamantly opposes it. He just got out of the military and wants no part of schedules or early waking hours. I get it, but he needs to get over it so we can get some control over our lives.

He just agreed to no Xbox while awake and claims he is going to play with her today. Last night I casually asked him if he would fire a babysitter who played Farmville for 8 hours a day while watching DD. That seemed to have an impact. We'll see!

And we love Dr. Sears. We've read The Baby Book over and over and we've poured over the thing in the depths of our colic despair, trying to find a solution. haha. DD fits Dr. Sear's definition of "High Needs Baby" to a tee.


Geomamma,
Thanks, I will check that book out!