Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Should I be worried yet?

DS1 has just turned 5, and is still refusing to write, draw, paint, or anything that involves fine motor skills. At about 2 his skills were reasonably good for his age, but now he is refusing to do any of it. When he does, he will have huge tantrums because it isn't right.

I don't know if that is in the normal range and I'm just thrown because his reading skills are so much higher than his writing, or if I should be starting to look at OT or something like that.

He's always been one to wait until he can do it perfectly before he tries. I'm worried that handwriting and fine motor skills are not something you can do that with. I'm also worried that if I take him to OT he will decide he's not good at it and not do it at all.

Geomamma our girls both really enjoyed their OT assessments, as have all the kids of friends we have referred. And he was quite prepared to say DD2 was functioning beautifully (and sent us for Ed psych testing) so he won't find problems that aren't there. Let me know if you want his details (CBD based)

Hi GM
This was my DS but at 4.5, we didn't realize it was such an issue until we met with his WPSSI tester. I actually just posted in the 2e section about how much improvement he has had in one year but that we still have concerns. I would be concerned about the not doing it. I hadn't realized how much he had internalized how bad he was at it in comparison to reading and other things. We did take him to OT and it was good and bad, good in that it reframed the discussion, problem in that this was a place with people with much more serious concerns than DS and they didn't really know how to reach him. He just wasn't going to write the same letter over and over. We went 1x a week for 2.5 months and then we were moving and I wasn't really liking the therapist so we decided to outsource it to the pre-k we sat down with them at the beginning about having him write everyday, not letting him opt out. Trying to get him to paint, etc. So over the course of his pre-k year he went from no you do it to drawing and writing
for his own pleasure.

Grinity said at one point that skipping those fine motor things early in favor of other
things - reading instead of painting or playdoh - can come back to haunt you because the body seems to need to learn that way. We did not push things he didn't want to do in favor of things he enjoyed and while I don't regret pursuing his interests, we let too
much go. So in the last year we have focused a lot on trying and working, this was the first thing that wasn't easy for him. But the upside is that having conquered it, he can write, his letters are getting smaller, etc, has taught him the value of perseverance and that you aren't always good at things.

My DS starts K next month and we plan to talk to the K teacher about whether he needs services or whether he has made enough progress to be at grade level. Is your
DS going to K or do you homeschool - if home than I would consider it.

Check out my post in 2e, I learned something very interesting about his perfectionism
but also that at this age it's so hard to know is it a problemor not or just looks like one next to the asynchrony. There was no harm in getting the eval and while I am not sure we got much out it because the particular setting was wrong for him, it did help to
restart the conversation. And I would find another one if the schools recommends it.

Oh and DS was also the I will it do it myself perfectly or not at all too! Could have walked at a year but cruised until 15 months rather than hold anyone's hand!!!

DeHe

I wouldn't worry yet. before dd8 entered K (at 5.5 years) prior to that she would have nothing to do with writing. I didn't push it , if she didn't want to do it so be it. When she went to K she realized on her own she was going to have to write. also she wanted so badly to write in cursive. To top it off she was moved to 1st grade a couple of months into the year so she had to write. She went from pretty much not writing at all to writing in cursive mid year in 2nd grade.

It was actually your post that reminded me DeHe - I've been thinking about it for a while. Usually at middle of the night feeds when I can't do anything about it

He's going to be home schooled, If he wasn't at home he would have just started our version of K. So I have time, but also less motivation for him, and less opportunity for him to see other children writing.

The only way to know if his skills are in the normal range is to get him checked by a OT or knowledgable tutor.

But his skill level isn't his problem - his problem is that his perfectionism is making him judge his skill level too harshly, and that is blocking his chance to get enough practice to develop normally. And because he has 'normal' gifted intensity, what that process looks like is a tantrum. He could just as easily be perfectionist and 'decide' that he can't even try and skip the tantrum but do all kinds of sneaky things to distract you from demanding that he do the work, but that isn't his way. (There is a lot to appreciate about a straight up WYSIWYG kind of kid - but it's hard on the ears.)

I would say that your job is to 'be the wall' and insist the he do some fine motor practice daily - it could be playdoh, musical instrument, typing practice, cutting up magazine picture 'whatever' but he must do something. He will probably continue to have tantrums for quite some time, and if that doesn't deter you, then it's fine also. But given human nature, it's probably easier to go to the OT, be sure that his skill level is age-normal, and then get some outside resource to hold everyone accountable that there is some sort of progress. ((Kind of like those weekly weigh-ins at the diet clubs))

I think that someone here has gone through the training that HWT offers, yes? ((Who was that?)) If there is not compatible person locally, I would try to hire her to help you plan homeschool writing curriculum for your son, or get advice if you should take the training yourself.
Scour the website - they even have free downloadable practice sheets:
http://www.hwtears.com/hwt

As for the perfectionist behavior problem - that is going to be an ongoing struggle, but it's a great sign that you noticed it at work trying to rob your son of valuable fine motor practice and are formulating a plan of attack. Yes - it's a noisy road ahead.

If you want to work on 'downmodulating' the intensity directly, (does it bother you when he has tantrums?) try meditation (you or him, LOL!) or 'Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook' by Lisa Bravo. Our intense kids are INTENSE! Yes?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

For more on perfectionism - check out this thread:
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....ice_tips_for_encouraging.html#Post109012

Interestingly, he doesn't resist those sorts of things as much. The penny dropped! I actually think it is perfectionism coupled with insufficient knowledge. I probably should have done handwriting with him earlier, but I've been resisting direct instruction. Off to look at HWT! Maybe even the one for his younger brother, to try to head this off for him as his fine motor is actually quite good, and he likes drawing and things at the moment.

DS8 hated all that too. He never liked crayons or coloring. He did like the water painting books. When he was 2 he "finger painted" with q-tips, didn't like playdough and didn't like dirty hands. I didn't think of OT because we were busy with speech therapy. He went to K with basically no writing skills but it came pretty quickly when he had to write in class every day. He still doesn't like it though. He prefers to use the laptop and he even has Dragon Speak Naturally to dictate to.

Hey, HWT question, do I need the teachers manual?