Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Teaching Stranger-Danger

Our son isn't extremely sensitive emotionally. (Auditory sensitivity is another matter).

Anyway, that being said, he's been sheltered from "scary" shows on TV and DVD. His last fear was of the Thomas the Train DVD's and their unhappy faces. He still doesn't like Thomas...

Now that he's going to be in preschool in the fall and for the first time away from me, we decided it's time to teach him about appropriate and inappropriate touching and, in general, who to trust.

I bought the book: I Said NO! A Kid-to-Kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private by Zack and Kimberly King

and-

Stranger Safety (DVD) created by John Walsh & Julie Clark

He has read the book twice with me and seen the DVD once. I know they impacted him.

He seems afraid to watch the DVD again and hasn't picked up or asked for us to read the book again.

Should we drop this? Is the little bit of instruction going to be enough? Am I worrying too much about this? (Yes, I'm apprehensive about leaving him with strangers!)

P.S. He had a nightmare the night we watched the DVD. The first one in a few months.

I don't know how old he is, but 3 or 4 might be too young for those things -- I just relied on my own review of the facility and caregivers to make sure my kids were safe at preschool. I think the stranger safety video is definitely about empowering kids to recognize different dangers, and therefore probably wouldn't make much sense to a child age 3 or 4...

I am not sure I'd drop it entirely, I think I'd probably bring it up in terms of how you and your husband will take care of him and make sure he is safe, kind of try to make sure he knows the onus is on the parents and not on him.
I wouldn't have him watch the video again, however.
Kids are resilient and will kind of tune out things that don't fit or things they can't do much about, so hopefully there isn't any major lingering fear for him.

I'd recommend looiking into the protective behaviours material, it's very good about not being scary. It talks about listening to your body and reactions and what to do if you feel uncomfortable, and that sort of thing.

If it scared him that much, I wouldn't use it again, but I don't really know those ones, or what they are like.

I would drop it for a while then move on to talking about good strangers. (i.e. A mom with kids is a good stranger. You can ask any mom with kids for help anytime.) As well as talking about good secrets and bad secrets.
I think once you have those two things covered and a general idea about our bodies being private, you've got a good foundation for sending them out into the world. Just enough knowledge to keep them safe but not enough to scare them.

I like how daytripper put this, good thoughts.

Mr W went through this.

All was fine until they did the final test.

"Hey, little boy, do you want some candy?"

"Sure. I will take some. But I really want some ice cream. Can you get me some ice cream? I really like daquiri ice."

LOL

My advice would be to not teach stranger danger as a whole. The reality is that most sexual crimes against children are committed by someone the child knows and trusts. You can teach that there are good and bad people and that no adult should ever ask a child for help (run through the scenarios - lost dog etc.) as well as the other tricks - modeling, candy, games and model responses about running and telling. But at the same time, you need to teach them about private parts and that no one should touch them there except parents/Dr. and that if ANYONE makes them feel uncomfortable, hurts them or tries trick them it is not their fault and they can tell and keep telling until it stops.

It's definitely more likely to be a neighbor, relative or coach than a stranger. We just hear about stranger abduction more often as the other is too often treated as a "family problem."

Here's another thread discussing this and other scary issues. (I remember showing my DS the Safe Side Super Chick Video when he was 3 or 4).
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted....1774/Talking_about_scary_stuff_stra.html

We went this route with DS 5, these are the people that are allowed to pick you up for school or take you somewhere. No one else. Mommy will tell you who is on that list. We said parents with kids, and police or fireman if lost. And the same about touching private parts, I said only mommy daddy or the doctor with your permission to see if something was wrong. I started talking about more what to do ifs and he started looking nervous so I thought of playing into his likes - namely warning signs. Loves signs
always has so I think I will make him a flip book of warning signs or how toos. But it's a fine line between freaking them out and trying to manage your own freaking out!

DeHe