Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments STARTING MY SON (2.9 YRS.) IN DAYCARE

Currently, my parents look after my son, but they need a bit of a break, as they have a lot going on right now and my son needs to socialize with other kids (he's an only child). He has finally come up on the waiting list for a part-time spot at one of the only daycares in our area that I would even consider sending him, but I've learned that they divide the kids into groups accoring to age and his group will consist manily of 2-year-olds.
We have not gotten any formal assessment done or anything yet, but I KNOW that he is at least extremely bright for his age. I'm concerned that this grouping with younger kids is gonna turn him from the whole daycare environment, as he's probably not gonna be pleased with having to play with 'babies'.
We have a short orientation session at the daycare this evening and I'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions. Space is very limited and I worry that the next age group doesn't/won't have any spots available for him, even if the owner sees that he needs to be around the older kids. Should I bring it up to her, or see how it goes for a couple of weeks/months? I don't wanna waste his time or my money on something that's not right for him, but then I also think that maybe any socialization is better than none. Has anyone encountered this before? I NEED HELP! Thanks!

I'd put him in his age group and see how it goes. Presumably with this age group, they aren't going to be doing academics, so fit there isn't an issue, and by no means all very bright children have difficulty playing with age peers. In fact, if yours hasn't yet had much experience in a group situation with other children, I'd be wary of blaming any trouble he does have on his brightness - it may well take him a while to settle down and see how it works, and that's fine; might even be easier for him to start in an environment where mostly parallel rather than cooperative play is what's going on.

I wouldn't agree that bad socialization is better than none. If he belongs socially with the older kids, that's where he should be placed if the point is for him to have social interactions. A lot of two year olds can't really have conversations, something that could be very frustrating socially to a two year old who can.

2 years is a very crucial age - it sets the stage for how they learn later.

My oldest son at the age of 2 one day on the way to a play-date with other 2 and 3 year olds asked me "can they talk?"

When we visited the school we eventually settled on he was so excited to learn that other children can also count.

My current 2 year old will not hang with 2 year olds. he just won't.

also bear in mind that typical 2 year-olds do not play with other children - it's still parallel play until they start just taking things from each other as they work out the "it's mine" thing. kids who seek out older kids already at age 2 will usually already engage in imaginative and fully co-operational play, thus making them a bad fit from the word go.

Try and get him into at least the 3 year old class.

But Kalhuli has not said here (or elsewhere that I remember or can quickly find) that their particular DS does social interactions in a way typical of an older child, or seeks out older children, or anything. Posters on this thread seem to be assuming that. Maybe that's how it is - is it, Kalhuli? If, however, this is not so, then I think assuming it could be harmful, especially if it's reinforcing something that's actually an unexamined assumption on Kalhuli's part.

Interacting with adults is very different from interacting from children; it's perfectly possible for a child to be HG+, and to seem older than chronological age while conversing with adults and still be well placed socially with age peers. The danger that I see in placing a child with older children who doesn't actually have the same mode of interaction that they do is that the older children may do the lion's share of the social work, and the younger child may not get the chance to learn how to do play, negotiation etc. Given that an HG+ child is likely to land in situations where excellent social skills, with age peers as well as with intellectual peers, are extremely useful, it would be a pity to take decisions that don't foster those skills.

Note that I am not saying that with age peers is definitely the right place for this child: I just don't want to say that it isn't purely on the basis of the child in question being bright.

I won't make any assumptions... Kalhuli can confirm or clarify as needed.

Here is what I experienced. When ds was 22 months he was at a small preschool with mostly 3 and 4 year olds. He interacted very well with the "older kids" and the staff and had a great time.

Then we moved and he went to a preschool that separated the children by age. he was miserable. the other kids were not nearly as verbal as he was. in addition to the developental differences the environment was not very stimulating at all. The three year old classroom was across the hall and my ds could see their play kitchesns, and dress up clothes. Hear their activities based on weekly themes (travel around the world/kingdoms and castles/etc.) They had all kinds of interaction and imaginative play that he was needing and did not get. I spoke with directors on several occasions and they did not get it. As soon as he was good at using the bathroom on his own we moved him to another school.

Kalhuli - if your son has no previous experience in a childcare or preschool setting it will take some time to adjust. starting off slowly may be just the thing. The only way you will know for sure if it is a good fit is to try it. Take the adjustment period into account but after that keep an eye out for a mismatch.

And bring your concerns to the director's attention. HOw he/she reacts will tell you a lot too.

I won't make any assumptions... Kalhuli can confirm or clarify as needed.

Here is what I experienced. When ds was 22 months he was at a small preschool with mostly 3 and 4 year olds. He interacted very well with the "older kids" and the staff and had a great time.

Then we moved and he went to a preschool that separated the children by age. he was miserable. the other kids were not nearly as verbal as he was. in addition to the developental differences the environment was not very stimulating at all. The three year old classroom was across the hall and my ds could see their play kitchesns, and dress up clothes. Hear their activities based on weekly themes (travel around the world/kingdoms and castles/etc.) They had all kinds of interaction and imaginative play that he was needing and did not get. I spoke with directors on several occasions and they did not get it. As soon as he was good at using the bathroom on his own we moved him to another school.

Kalhuli - if your son has no previous experience in a childcare or preschool setting it will take some time to adjust. starting off slowly may be just the thing. The only way you will know for sure if it is a good fit is to try it. Take the adjustment period into account but after that keep an eye out for a mismatch.

And bring your concerns to the director's attention. HOw he/she reacts will tell you a lot too.

Thanks for bringing up this topic. We're facing something similar with my 19 month old. He's not very verbal, but it's clear that he interacts a lot more with older kids and he won't even look at or consider kids his age. While I agree that there's value in the social skills a child can learn from same-age peers, there may not be value for him if he won't even interact with them.

We're really only considering mixed-age environments because of that, so he gets a bit of everything, but that significantly limits our choices in this area.

We just went through similar issues with or ds who is also 2.9 years old. His preschool has classes by ages 1-2, 3-4, and 5-6. Initially the school hesitated about moving him up because the 3-4 class mostly has 4 year olds. After a several months we suggested again that he would benefit from a more engaging environment. The director agreed readily and proposed partial time with the older kids. After a few successful weeks they went ahead and moved him into the older class. The academic stuff has been no problem. The only issue is that our son has had some trouble dealing with the new class's structure. His current instructor told us that the previous class just let our son wander aimlessly since he had accomplished all of their "goals" for him.

Thinking about my son's experience, it's clear actually that there were several things that contributed to its working that might not be true elsewhere. He started nursery as a crawler and stayed with age peers all the way through. I certainly don't recognise a scenario in which his play was limited by what was made available. Toys and books were rotated by the staff (and there was also a city toy library in use I think) and the staff would pick things having the individual children in their groups in mind. (And they did notice, even the surprising stuff like his reading at 2. It probably helps that UK regulations demand much higher staff:child ratios than IIUC US ones do: 1:2, 1:3 (0-2yo), 1:6 (3-4yo), 1:10 (4-5yo) or something like that.) In any case, I think a lot of his play wasn't dependent on using toys as toys! There was a big garden with play equipment, a tree house etc., which they spent a lot of time in, and that allowed children of different ages to mix. Also, it was run by the university where I work and a high proportion of the children there were children of its staff; we've only kept in touch with a couple, but of those one is clearly HG+ I'd say. So, yeah, our good experience might not be a good guide. Still, I think DS learned a lot that he wouldn't have learned by interacting only with older children. It's very helpful now that he does get on well with age peers (as well as older children), and I think his early experience may well have been important for that.