Please note that I'm not saying that a child who reaches a remarkable achievement as the result of focused effort and personal goal-setting shouldn't enjoy the accolades that come with that. THAT, in my mind, is quite a different matter from being praised for innate qualities that you just happen to have. Being praised for being "beautiful" is different from being praised for being "the team-mate that everyone else can count on when they're feeling down." KWIM?
Yes, but let me play devil's advocate for a moment. Character aspects are inborn just as much as aspects of ability. Being "the team-mate that everyone else can count on when they're feeling down" isn't that different from being "beautiful", really - they both involve a person building on their natural assets and using them in a way other people appreciate. Similarly, focused effort isn't always hard. The more I think about it, the more I appreciate the point of view that says *any* praise - that is, anything perceived as evaluation of the child by the parent - has the drawback of encouraging the child to rely on evaluations from others. What's hard is working out how to put this into practice...
