Mama22Gs, I'm sending virtual hugs to you. DS was like that for the longest time. The worst incident was when he just turned 5. He was so upset at the thought that his friend made a nicer Lego spacecraft than his that he wanted to jump from the apartment building. I was so freaked out! The other screaming incidents when things don't come out right, well, you can imagine. I consulted a few psychs and therapists after that and among what they suggested was:
1. keep showing explicitly how you value yourself, and that we should all do that. Eg, saying you need to relax because you just love who you are, warts and all, and you want to treat yourself well. Children tend to accept their parents value system over time.
The following two are fairly common advice and I'm sure you must be doing, but it's worth repeating.
2. Show that you make mistakes now and then, and laugh it off.
3. Keep harping on the fact that mistakes are great because they tell us what we don't know. We homeschool so its easier to focus on his effort and learning process rather than the grade.
It's been 3 years and I keep going on about the same things at home, but it's definitely working. Learning a musical instrument has been wonderful because he has to learn to get over the frustration of manipulating his fingers and getting the timing right (he has poor fine motor skills and CAPD) because he loves the music.
No quick fix, this one. But over time and with consistency, there will be improvements.
