I had a conversation about executive function issues yesterday with my cousin, whose child was in G&T in elementary, but started failing classes in middle school because he forgot to turn in work. Our public school requires that all middle school kids have good executive function skills and if they don't they believe they should be held back or allowed to fail instead of being given any help. If work is not turned in, the parents are not informed until it is too late for the parent to do anything about it, unless of the course, the child is the star high school football player--different set of rules there.
I am homeschooling my 12-year-old son who has some executive function issues. He rarely remembers where he put his shoes. He kicks them off as soon as he gets the opportunity because they are so uncomfortable. He does it without thinking or maybe because he is thinking about something else when he does it. Sometimes I find his shoes in the car. It is one of the reasons we are often late. He tries to make jokes about it when he sees that I am stressed about being late, for example yesterday when we were going to be late for a 30 minute piano lesson, he said "Mom, you know that time machine I have been working on? Well, I'm sorry to tell you it doesn't work, so we will just have to deal with being late, but it will be okay. The world will not end because we are a few minutes late." Obviously, this is another issue we need to work on, but we have more important things to deal with.
At co-op classes his teachers make comments about how well behaved my son is. He wants to do well, and he wants to make the highest possible score in class. He was diagnosed with dysgraphia last year but he is making almost all A pluses on everything he writes and his composition teacher assigns a lot of writing. Some of it has to be finished in the first six minutes of class. He learned that he can write well under pressure, he can write legibly enough that the teacher can read it, and he is able to focus enough that he can finish on time---but I am a volunteer in the class and I sometimes help him organize his notebook. I have to make sure he finishes his homework. I want him to focus on learning how to write well. That is the important thing for now, that is our priority for this year. From my seat in the back of his composition class I often see him tapping his foot on the floor, while all the other 7th through 9th graders' bodies are calm. The tapping gets faster as the time starts to run out. It is like he is in a race that he is determined to win. He is winning. With his sensory processing issues, migraines, and a painful scoliosis brace to deal with, I think my son can use a little extra help with the executive function issues. I think it is wrong to not provide kids with the help they need to do well. What about the asynchronous development that we learned about when they were in elementary or even younger? Do they magically become synchronous at middle school age?
There is no help for kids like mine at our school which is why I must continue to homeschool. I have heard from people who used to work at the school that they often ignore IEP's.
Middle school age students still have time to develop good executive function skills. I don't think there is anything wrong with helping middle school students with this kind of thing if they need help.
I was a sensitive kid, especially in middle school when I was learning to deal with migraine headaches and stomach aches. I used to throw up almost every day before class when I was in grade school, yet I managed to develop executive function skills that were good enough for me to do well in jobs like a payroll clerk, executive assistant, and accountant. I had to have extremely good executive function skills or I would have lost my job. My mother, who was also smart and sensitive, was very understanding and helped me when I needed help. I think her help and understanding enabled me to develop executive function skills, so I hope I am enabling my son in the same way.
It used to really bother me when people told me things like "he is playing on your sympathy and you are enabling him." I had to get to a point where I didn't care what other people thought.
