Well, yesterday one of her classmates (the only 5th grader to qualify) got to go to the bee, bring some friends, go out to lunch, etc. DD was teary, clearly jealous, while relating the story.
I don't think that push is the exact goal. I think your daughter will appreciate if you talk about every choice has it's good and bad, and that people in your family tend to mourn both the loss of the good and the experience of the bad, and that this is probably ture for her, so she might start to get used to it.
For example: Sign up for the spelling bee has potential Plus: feeling great about going to the bee, the recognition, etc. Minus: Maybe feeling exposed, being teased, missing an easy word.
Not signing up for the bee also has potential Plus: fit in better, avoid the spotlight, and Minus: Going looks like fun.
The best is if you can get her making her own Plus and Minus list of both sides of this sort of thing, that way she can really celebrate and really mourn, and maybe learn for the future (and maybe not!)
One of the first words I taught DS was 'Ambivelent' - so cute to hear coming out of a 3 year olds mouth. The deal with us is that we feel stuff even if we would make the same choice all over again.
Take a look at the book 'I can problem solve for teens' and see if your DD isn't already too advanced for it.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
