But after thinking about many of your replies, we decided that for each day DS stays on "green", he'll earn EXTRA Wii time. But we won't take away the Wii for moving to yellow or red. We're going to leave the consequences to the school.
Zhain, your comment about children knowing how we really feel about others (e.g. DS's teacher) gave me great pause. I have been so very careful to always talk positively about her with DS. I'm hoping that I fooled him, as you suggested, Grinity!
NTmom - so glad you are hanging in.
Since you can honestly say that you respect this teacher, I would encourage you to keep the consequence in place for the future. I'll pitch one more time not to shift it to 'extra Wii,' speaking from the vantage point of a mom of a 13 year old boy. I think it sends a message that you think he is fragile, and as you say
I just am so worried about damaging him for life
I really love the simplicity of 'Green' equals yes and 'Red' equals no. It is ok for your son to be upset that his behavior in school for a day was unacceptable, and that he gets a consequence. Remember that withholding Wii isn't witholding love or nutrition or emotional safety. There are lots of other ways to have fun.
Another cool parenting trick is to ask the child what he thinks is a reasonable consequence for going to yellow or red in school. Maybe he prefers to do something positive to contribute to his world in some way? It makes for some interesting discussion. I guess part of the equation is how much you have limited Wii in the past. If you have been very frugal with that privilege, then I wouldn't give it up so quickly, but if he's had rather free access, then that leans in the direction of 'earning extra.' Ask yourself what Wii use means in your family. Has it been treated so far like a right or a privilege?
I do believe that an unaccommodated child, left in a poor fit situation for 'too long' can be damaged, but, you point out that the had a really good 1/3 of a year. For 'beyond usually gifted children' we count a good half year as a job well done, so a third of a year is nothing to sneeze at. Keep working with the school to get him some relief during the day, but I think it is really good for all the grown ups to be on the same side. Even our precociously abstract children tend to be a bit more black and white in their thinking than adults.
In the end discipline is a highly individual matter - I'm so glad for the diversity that exists. Whatever you do that feels right to you and your DH is the best thing. Keep up those long posts - we love to hear how you are doing!
Love and more love,
Grinity
