Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion My 5yr. old is angry... and i dont understand her.

thank you all for your responses i do feel a bit attacked but i also realize that you are all well meaning...

as far as trying to tell her why? it gets a bit confusing where she is concerned because often when you explain why to her she does argue and say she doesn't want to do it that way then either i end up having to exert some sort of authority and say well this is the way we are doing it or i end up saying okay well try it your way and when her way doesn't work then she gets even more upset she is a perfectionist and blames herself for the failure and it certainly doesn't help matters that she then sees that i was right leaving her with a bruised ego...

Sometimes as i explained earlier (and thankfully this is becoming more common) i can get her to talk about it but with her explanations are never easy because without a complete understanding of every part of a situation she refuses to except what im telling her and no i dont force her to talk for an hour (more like she insists i explain in full)

as far as leaving her alone you would have to understand the extent of how upset she gets and the way she isolates herself i have found that leaving her to "deal with it on her own" just causes her distance her self and to not trust me to be able to help her she just turned 5yrs. old feb. 9th and she is already very strongly challenging authority she has already come to realize that parents dont know everything and that she does not have to do what we say and we cant always make her (something i didn't realize till i was a teen) she is aware that i can give her time out till the cows come home but i cant force her to do what i want her to she wants to know why "mommy always gets what she wants" (meaning i tell her "clean up" and then get what i want or i tell her "go to bed" and then get my way)

last thing is it has been one of the hardest most heart breaking things to have a 4-5yr old who is experiencing such complex feelings because i never expected this i just wish i could hold her comfort her and take away all her pain and worries
after all shes only 5yrs old i should be able to kiss the boo boos and make them all better still at this age right?

i am also aware that in order for a child to feel safe they need their parents to be in control and i am trying to gain the control back by listening/talking with her but still insisting in most instances that she do what she is told its just a struggle even getting her to understand why she must listen to her parents

talking to her in an adult fashion and trying my best to understand her side and leading her to explain her side seems to be helping so i think i will work on that

also im sorry but i dont agree with giving sharp knives to children but i do allow her to have many other chances to help out and she even was helping clean in the dining room till i needed her to move out of the room so i could move things around a bit i did tell her why but she didn't think my reason justified her having to leave the room so she sat in the dinning room chair and refused to move
also i know i shouldn't have walked outside but i was very upset at her behavior and the lack of control i had over the situation and needed to calm down and breath for a minute everything is a battle with her and while she thinks she is ssssooooo big she is my 5yr old baby and having a daily battle of wills with her is very hard on me...

anyways id like to thank you all again.. and now that you have heard more of an explanation if you have any more ideas or insight i would appreciate any help you have...