It sounds as though she's asking to be involved and trusted more.
I agree. Personally, I think kids have just as much right to be treated with dignity and to have their opinions and decisions treated with respect as adults. Yes, of course you know more than she does, about many things. But imagine how you would feel if someone who knew more than you tried to tell you that you had to blindly obey them--you would be totally irked. Of course I'm not saying that you should not make any decisions for your child. But it's perfectly natural for your child to be frustrated and upset when you boss her around and don't explain your reasons.
I think it is also perfectly natural for her to be angry at you for telling her to get out of the room, without telling her why. Of course she came back in and told you to get out! She's learning her behavior from you.
I would also respect her decision to be alone to cry and work through her feelings if that's what she wants. Some kids want to be held, or need to be held, but many want privacy to calm down. You can always talk about it after she is calm.
