My dd, now 4, had a terrible time in 3yo preschool last year (in Australia). It was a very structured program and the teacher would not accept dd for who she was. She told me dd was making it up when she displayed quite severe depression symptoms that were very obviously related to attending the centre. We took her out and she's in a different, play based centre this year.
They may sound like basic things, but I really agree with Lulu. The environment is so important. While dd doesn't love preschool (she craves a real peer, but her age equivalent scores on the SB5 put her nearly three years ahead of the oldest kids in her class - who are a year older than her) - the new centre's environment is very welcoming and accepting and the teacher is doing her best to try and understand and accommodate dd. As a result, dd would rather be at home, but is ok about going and knows that the teachers respect and care about her.
I think my dd would love Montessori, but I suspect the social issues would still remain - but I guess that relates to circumstance more than a preschool's approach! Though I understand, at least in Australia, that problems can arise with schools being very set on the order in which they allow kids to start new activities. I know if two gifted families who have pulled out of Waldorf. They have just found it too restrictive for a child who just wants to learn (one friend was reprimanded for allowing their son to play chess as he was deemed too young -regardless of the fact that he loved it and was desperate to learn).
I do know some families who have had great success with VERY academic preschools, that extend the kids as necessary - but unless they provide that extension I think structured programs often just re-cover stuff these kids have known for ever anyway. So for me personally the choice would be between a flexible Montessori, a play based program or a very good academic preschool. In each of them, I think the teacher is the most important part (humour, acceptance and respect for the kids are the qualities I now look for).
Sorry, lots of personal opinion rather than fact!
