Tks for all the helpful ideas, intparent, Breakaway4 and matmum. It's good to know that the path well trodden comes with solid and sensible advice.
So far, my notion has been that my son needs a lot of assurance even while he's being rude - he needs me to be there or it's a complete meltdown, so I stay and get miserable. But he's older now. The preface can help. I must turn the entire mindset into one of getting him to collect himself before he can get help.
And matmum, it's nice to know kids do outgrow this behaviour. We need to help them manage their own intensities.
