Well, GeoMamma, I was never a girl, so....
I think gender makes a difference with individual teachers/parents, but in different ways - don't know if you could say there's an overall trend. As a teacher I find it much easier to spot giftedness in girls.
Mag, my problems came in three varieties. First, there was my mother, who was the worst sort of authoritarian, the kind of parent who's controlling just for the sake of being controlling. I was a straight-A student, went to university at 16, never stayed out late, never touched drugs, was so disinterested in alcohol my father had to beg me to drink a toast to my own graduation, was a good driver, didn't even date in high school, basically a pretty easy kid to raise. But my mother thought I was an absolute terror because I talked back and questioned her stupid rules (one of my worst repeat offences: practicing my violin for 30 minutes instead of 40). Basically, she was completely unprepared to deal with raising a gifted child - she was too uncomfortable with the good things to acknowledge them properly, and constantly trying to assert dominance over a child who was naturally resistant.
Then there was my dad. He knew I was quite intelligent and he valued that. He taught me a lot, especially about history, and from the time I was ten we were having the sort of discussions that usually occur in graduate political science seminars. He was the one who saved me. But he didn't understand everything that went along with being gifted - the social, emotional, behavioral, and psychological differences between gifted and non-gifted people - so he couldn't help me there. And he didn't fight my mom enough, something he's told me he regrets many times since they divorced.
And then there were my teachers, who never once raised the issue of me being gifted. They were content to give me As and A+s and pretend I was just "doing well" rather than being left unchallenged. I supposed I should have learned to self-advocate more by the time I was in my fourth year of learning absolutely nothing, but I had no role models and no backup. Plus, the way we treat high achievers in our society can be addictive - the constant praise, the sky-high grades, but only if you shut up and take the boredom. They make you enjoy the easy road, and I fell for it.
Thing one I lacked was understanding. No matter how well my mom meant, she did a horrible job with me, and no matter how much better my dad was, he was stumbling around in the dark. My teachers, if they knew anything about giftedness, kept their mouths shut. So it seemed, at least, like nobody knew what was going on. And thing two was honesty. No one talked to me. Other kids called me "genius", yeah, but no adult actually sat me down and said "You're very intelligent, and it's rare, this is how it came to be, and it doesn't mean you don't try or that the things you do aren't accomplishments, but it means you have different abilities and different needs." Nobody explained to me that the overexcitabilities I never understood, or my unusual emotional reactions, or my constant need for so much intellectual stimulation, or my tendency to dabble, were part of being gifted. All I knew was that they were things that set me apart. They made me uncomfortable and for a long time, I tried to hide them. It's only in the last year or two I've become comfortable with all these things, and it's only in the last few months I've actually been able to say that "I am gifted" while looking someone in the eye.
So that is the, looking back on it now, very long answer to your question. Basically, adults need to accept gifted kids for who they are and talk to them about what makes them different and everything it means. And realize, as my mother never did, that if you're dealing with someone who is as intellectually mature as the average adult by age ten, they're never going to do anything "because I said so".
