I think that this is one of the toughest problems that gifted families face. A usual pattern is that one of the couple becomes the expert and the other Adult feel guilty for not carrying that load, and so finds small ways to undermine the expert parent to 'even the score.' Yuck! But we are human, and this is a pattern that many of us fall into.
For some folks, with some backgrounds, it's perfectly fine for there to be one parent who has the final say, and can over-rule the other adult family member. for other folks this is a problem. Some people aren't against 'one adult has the ultimate authority' as long as they are the one that is the ultimate. Only you can decide where you stand on this.
My DH and I have a rule that we don't 'over rule' each other and try to present a united front. We aren't perfect, but we try.
See if during a calm moment, you can engage your DH in a constructive conversation about it. Try to learn as much about his level of awareness of it, and what it means to him, and then try to communicate to him what it means to you.
Or - you can ignore any of his behavior that you don't like, and warmly praise anytime he doesn't engage in it. I can picture you batting you eyelashes, looking deeply into his eyes and saying: "I just love about you that you didn't countermand my order to our child just now. It shows what a loving husband you are! Of course you have to keep any hint of sarcasm out of your voice, and 'breath through' any smoldering resentments you might be holding onto.
Good luck GoGo! You Go Mamma-Girl
Grinity
