So far we have had trouble finding doctors who understand this combination of giftedness and dyspraxia and we were only being given what my son called cliche advice that was not helpful for us.
He has never seen a pediatric neuropsychologist before, only an educational psychologist four years ago, so maybe we will get help this time, at least we are trying, but we know from experience that not all doctors are good ones. Recently, we found out that his grandmother, who has severe memory loss and dementia, was given medication to help improve her memory that did not work at all and seemed to make her worse and the doctor would not take her off of the medication when family members told the doctor it was not working. Finally, years later, they took her off of it and she is smiling again, able to follow our conversations a little more, is using words and phrases that we thought she was not longer able to use and can even make funny sarcastic remarks at appropriate times. We try not to think about the years she was so miserable and literally tore most of her hair out and the doctor only gave her medication that made her worse. My son has seen for himself that doctors don't know everything and some of them don't appear to be trying too hard to figure out the real problem and for this reason he is skeptical that he will get any help. My whole family has some anxiety about doctors after seeing what happened to my mother and we are reminded of it every single day because we live next door to her and are responsible for her when my dad has to leave the house for any reason.
My son knows that doctors get annoyed when we ask questions about the x-rays he is getting every 3 months to see if his scoliosis and gotten worse. We just want to know if it is safe to have x-rays this often. We have a right to know. The doctor just says we have no choice. No attempt to tell us that it is relatively safe or anything. Just "you have no choice."
My son knows too much about all of this because we couldn't get away from it so we chose to try to learn as much as we could about my mother's issues. We have more anxiety when we don't know why something is happening. He can tell you the difference between retrograde and anterograde amnesia because his grandmother had both--couldn't remember the last 30 years and couldn't remember anything more than 30 seconds after she had surgery to repair a hernia, but she could still answer Jeopardy questions because she read so much before that time. He knows there is a part of the brain that controls inhibition and when that is damaged people can do very interesting and totally socially unacceptable things right in front of you and they can't help it. He knows this is hard for me to watch when I have had a social anxiety problem my entire life and he knows I can't help but wonder if this could happen to me. He tells me that I need to learn to have fun and stop worrying or it could be like a self fulfilling prophecy. He knows that I am feeling sorry for my mother and even sorrier for my dad who has now developed health problems because of the stress. A few days ago my sister called because my dad didn't answer the phone. Earlier in the day his blood sugar level had been dangerously low. We found him outside working in the yard and he didn't hear us when we called for him. He was at the other end of his three acres trimming trees. I tried so hard not to overreact but I could feel my blood pressure rising. Immediately I tried to figure out what I would do if I found him lying on the ground. My son was with me but wouldn't go back in the house because he is afraid to be alone. My mother, who is unable to take care of herself, was asleep. I felt very close to a panic attack until I found my dad. This is our anxiety provoking reality right now and I often don't get enough sleep which makes everything worse. I am jumpy and I sometimes yell at my son when we are running late. Like a lot of kids with dyspraxia he has trouble getting ready and can't get dressed quickly. We have to learn to live with all of it. I am on blood pressure medication because I can't stay calm and I don't want to have a stroke. I can't have a stroke because I have to homeschool because my son can't get an appropriate education in our public school because our state doesn't require it for twice exceptional kids.
I forgot to mention that my husband often rides his motorcycle in traffic and occasionally during thunderstorms. We both try so hard to stay calm when he is out on his motorcycle in a thunderstorm and on the outside we look okay. It is what happens on the inside to our heart rate and blood pressure when our overexcitabilities and anxiety are constantly activated by circumstances beyond our control. The blood pressure medication I take makes me very tired when I need more energy to deal with things and I don't want my son to have take medication.
We do need help but I don't know how cognitive therapy or anything like that would help with our situation. My son, with his incredible hearing, who was in another room heard me say under my breath "I'm living in a nightmare" when things just kept going wrong. He waited a while before asking me if he was part of the nightmare and seems to not quite believe me when I tell him that he helps me get through this and that he is such a joy to his grandfather and we don't know what we would do without him.
