Hi League,
My son has fine motor dysgraphia as well as challenges with oral/written expression due to dyspraxia. He has a similar but larger gap in WISC scores compared to your ds' scores (although he was tested with WISC-IV so not a direct comparison). He's in his first year of college now, but was first diagnosed with dysgraphia at the end of 2nd grade, when he was 8 years old. I'll share a few thoughts from our experience that might be helpful (keep in mind that I'm only a parent, not a professional
We had no clue at 8 years old that our child had a disability - it was easy to see he was really smart because of his ability to express himself verbally, and because of the thoughts he expressed (and yes, he does have an expressive language challenge... but it wasn't at all apparent because we weren't looking for it). He was first evaluated by a neuropsychologist because he was developed *huge* anxiety, wasn't performing in school, and his teacher was convinced he had ADHD. That first evaluation uncovered his dyspraxia and dysgraphia but didn't reveal anything about his expressive language disorder. I was beyond shocked to learn he had a fine motor challenge, but once we knew that, and were able to tell our ds that he had dysgraphia and he saw that we (parents) were going to help do whatever we could to help him find a way to work with dysgraphia, that alone relieved a *huge* load of anxiety. Just knowing that it wasn't something "wrong" with him helped. Having the name for the diagnosis also gave us the opportunity to share stories of successful adults with him that also have dysgraphia or similar challenges, and that helped relieve his anxiety too. One of the stories I liked best was something I read by Charles Schwab, who told about how his mother was honest with him in elementary school, that he would have to work a lot harder and a lot longer than the other kids, but that he would be successful and she'd be right there with him all the way - and she was. As an adult, he admits that he always has other people proof read anything he writes, and that it's ok to rely on other people for help. (I'll get back to this further below if you can hang in there through a very long post!).
Re the expressive language disorder, it was actually reflected in ds' first WISC and WJ-III scores, but it wasn't obvious because his scores were so impacted by his dysgraphia. If you read up on dysgraphia, many kids who have dysgraphia see amazing improvement in their written output once they have automation tools (keyboard, software etc) - these things helped ds, but they didn't help with much other than improving his spelling while writing, and speeding up some of his writing. He still didn't like to write, still had challenges thinking of what to say when he had an open-ended writing assignment, still wasn't producing written work at school. However, as he grew from 8 to 9 years old, he began to be able to verbalize more about his challenges, and he was able to tell us what was happening when he wasn't writing, and that he just didn't know what to say. In some of the reading I did (I think this was the Eides) I found a reference to expressive language challenges in gifted children, and it sounded a lot like ds. We had ds evaluated by a speech language pathologist, using the CELF, and was diagnosed with an expressive language disorder. Summary: kids with challenges may have multiple challenges that are layered - a specific challenge might be masked by one of the other challenges until it's remediated or accommodated.
You mentioned your ds doesn't ask for math worksheets - I'm a scientist and I love love love math. There are a heck of a lot of people who love math and are talented at math who really aren't turned on by worksheets. Same is true for almost any subject. A lot of math that is taught in early elementary relies on fine motor skills too - my ds wasn't able to advance in math in 2nd grade because kids had to be able to roll a pair of dice with the numbers 1-6, write the addition equation down, get the correct answer, and complete 20 rolls->equations in 2 minutes. DS understood how to do the calculations, but he couldn't write fast enough to show it. Once he was in pre-algebra and beyond he excelled at math - although he still is still very slow at writing out math (he's tried using software packages to "write" his math homework 2-3 different times in his life, but prefers to use handwriting).
Identifying, understanding the impact, remediating and accommodating challenges that impact our kids in school and in life is a journey, not a one-stop shop where you can pick your diagnosis and remedy up off the shelf, take it home, put it in place, and everything is solved. I would love to tell you that after our ds was diagnosed by the SLP we had everything figured out, but each year as our kids grow they face new situations in school and in life and there's almost always something more to figure out. School was never something my ds enjoyed, but he did have years where we were able to find a fit that worked well. Everything worked better in general once we had the diagnosis and were advocating for ds, but ds himself often just simply didn't want to or enjoy dealing with it. That said, ds is doing great - his first year of college is going well. He's at a great, competitive, tough school studying the field he's interested in and well suited for. The tech that he uses to write no longer makes him stand out because everyone he's with is using tech.
Back to Charles Schwab - and the note that Schwab as an adult relies on others to proofread his writing and that it's ok to have other people help you with areas you're not strong in. DS really felt different than other kids when he was in elementary school (he still felt different in middle and high school, but the impact was largest in elementary). Having to use accommodations made him feel like he didn't fit in and wouldn't ever fit in. He didn't want adults (aides) helping him with writing in class because he felt like it made him look stupid. As he moved up in school, the tech part of accommodations got easier, because other students also had access to laptops etc moving into high school. He still had difficulty asking for help and accommodations from teachers when he needed it - a combination of both not wanting to need help as well as not knowing how to verbalize it. He still hadn't really reached that magical point that other parents on here will write about where their child starts self-advocating by the end of high school, and I had more than a few worries sending him off to college - but he rose to the occasion in college, he's checked in with professors and the disability services when he needs to, and he's admitted to me that he always makes sure someone proofreads his writing assignments before he turns them in
He's done well with his academics in college, but even more important is that he's grown in accepting who he is, enjoying who he is, and he's found his place in the world where it's ok to be who he is.
Sorry I've rambled, but maybe something in my extended post will offer a bit of help or hope! Last thought, re grade acceleration - I agree with aeh re the placement in school of intellectual challenge vs emphasis on writing. That was a huge struggle for our ds in elementary school, although we were on the opposite side of things - ds was old for grade (late birthday) and his schools refused to either grade or subject-accelerate him, so he spent many long hours bored with the pace and lack of depth in classroom work/discussions. We made adjustments for middle school (sent him to a school outside the district that offered more challenging work) and he made his own choice for high school (a gifted program that had a high bar for entrance). Where we're at, the options for highly gifted students really opened up much more once children reach middle school. I realize I'm an outlier among this list re my feelings on this, but I'm glad he wasn't grade accelerated for two reasons: the extra years at home before leaving for college gave him time to mature, and they (selfishly) gave me more time with him as a parent. If your child is loving where he's at and doing well, there's no reason not to continue to place him in an accelerated program, but if either of you aren't sure it's the best fit, it's a-ok to think through what other options are available in your area, and if it means keeping a highly-gifted student in age-grade level, it can work out ok.
Best wishes,
polarbear
