I have a quirky third grader. He is very introverted, is socially awkward and has Tourettes. One of his behaviors, which I believe is a tic, is pacing and making explosion noises/gestures. He spends recess pacing alone and making explosive gestures.
He has a one "best" friend who is new to school this year and with whom he has frequent play dates with but they don't play at recess. At lunch he sits with his friend then they split up when they go outside. The friend plays tag and my son paces. My son feels welcome in the game of tag but he doesn't like tag so he just plays alone. Occasionally he does projects with the gardening teacher, who he adores, or plays dragons with the girls but mostly he does his pacing.
The teachers aren't concerned, saying he likes playing alone at recess and welcomes the down time. While kids are kind to him at school, he doesn't get invited to play dates or parties and many kids seem to ignore him in group situations. And he ignores them, often spending his time daydreaming.
I agree that he is choosing to play alone but I worry that his pacing and gestures will alienate him from other kids and now that they are getting older he will start to be teased or shunned. As his best friend has shifted from talking with him at recess to playing with other kids, I worry he will lose his one good friend. He hasn't had a close friendship with anyone in his class over the last couple of years and I have been so happy to see him connect deeply with someone. He has also frequently expressed how important this friendship is to him.
I am writing because I was at school today and saw my son pacing and it broke my heart. Should I let it go since he isn't bothered by it? My instinct is to talk to him about how the pacing and explosions make him stand out and see if we can find something for him to do that will honor his need for alone time while not creating an additional barrier to connecting with friends and peers. This is also complicated by the fact that the explosions seem to be a tic and, therefore, not something he can control so making him feel self-conscious about it probably isn't the right thing to do.
FWIW, my husband is a socially awkward, introverted math nerd. Everyone in his family is similar. My son has had social skills interventions and evaluations and we don't believe he has ASD. He is self-confident and happy to spend time alone. When he has one on one play dates he has a wonderful rapport with friends.
I know I probably sound controlling. It's just been very stressful to navigate my son's social difficulties over the years and I worry about how it will impact him in the coming years. I'm not sure if I should back off or seek help and would love perspective from other parents whose children have had similar experiences.
