Ive known that I was "smart" my whole life, but it was drilled into me that I was really not that far off from average.
I wanted To be an FBI behavioral analyst, I wanted to be a psychologist, a linguist... many things. Each was discouraged because it was always said that I was too lazy and not smart enough to do these, since I wasnt able to load the dishwasher properly (or do chores in general) on time.
Now I learn that my mom KNEW. She and my dad KNEW. I was academically tested every couple of years (homeschooler) and they told me it was normal to test 3-5 grades above my age grade but that I wouldnt be able to skip because I was too lazy.
Looking back, THEY say that I was too concerned with not being out of grade from about 3rd-7th, but that is not how I remember it... I remember being bored, and wanting to advance but always being told I couldn't because I was falling behind in math. (ah lady math... my old nemasis.)
I dobt know... I am just... angry.
I am angry that my parents knew but seemed to keep me in this rut, especially after 5th grade because it "wasnt possible to ever skip grades or get ahead after 5th grade" and then when I, as a teenager, expressed interest in sciences (soft ones, but still) it was discouraged because of "secular" teachings... and now here I am, a female college drop out at 25 who was reading up on gifted kids because of my own DD and EVERY ASSPECT resonates with me. The gnawing maddening BOREDOM (especially as an adult), the testing far above your level, the failure at something like math but OH BOY could I school you in language, and history. I had an interest in biology, but that didnt last long because "evolution is lies/evil"...
Idk. Im just angry, frusterated, and confused.
Has anyone gone through that? And how did you get over it?
And how do I get past the walls that I put up? Its like my brain has atrophied because I desperately tried to be normal, or rather my parents normal, for so long...
(sorry about spelling. Ive never liked it. Waste of time if you can get the word accross in my oppinion... besides, itll change in a generation or two anyways...)
