The teacher believes in allowing the children to choose where to sit each day when they come in in the morning
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finds it stressful to have to find a new place every day. He tries to get the same seat, but sometimes another child is in that seat and he can't get it. He got "in trouble" by the teacher for removing another child's name plate from his desired seat during book choosing time.
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wants to give the children the opportunity to make good choices about people they sit by, make new friends, and learn the consequences of sitting by someone who is distracting on their own.
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He worries about choosing a "bad" table, or seat. He feels left out if he doesn't get a "good" spot.
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As a parent, I know my child isn't mature enough for this, and I'm not sure it's developmentally appropriate at age 8-8.5 either.
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Thoughts? How would you address this?
I'm familiar with Montessori classrooms having children self-assign seating and choose their own workspace as young as preschool.
Many children participate in extracurricular activities... team sports, martial arts, scouts, etc... and the kids who know each other outside of school are likely to gravitate toward each other in school. If your child is not making friends with classmates outside of school, this may be a good time to start.
While some kids grow more mature just through the passage of time and the experiences which kids typically encounter in a year, other kids need coaching or direct teaching to pick up on social cues and develop responses which are considered "mature."
Is it possible that your child has social anxiety? I ask because when choosing seats he seems to focus on the chair location and not be responsive to other children and his relationship (or potential relationship) with them. This is my understanding of you stating that he tends to choose the same seat every day and that he attempted to unseat another child, in order to have his desired seat. Does he exhibit inflexible thinking about other things as well?
Possibly he could be coached by you at home to see this a wonderful opportunity to sit near different kids and see things in the classroom from a different perspective. You might compare this to sitting in a different spot at home... while playing a game, reading, watching TV, playing legos, having a conversation, etc... sometimes sitting on the couch or sofa, sometimes in a rocker or recliner, sometimes on the floor.
Many kids can be coached to enjoy the freedom of making choices, trying new things, seeing what they like... and understanding that they may not always get their first choice, so they need to have a "Plan B". Some examples:
- take the next chair to the right
- take the next chair closest to the teacher
- take the chair closest to child x
- take the chair farthest from child x
I would ask him point blank what his definition of a "bad table" or a "good spot" is. I would ask him to consider whether he is becoming the definition of a "bad spot" due to his behavior choices... and what choices he could make differently.
