You've got my empathy, too. Others have shared great tips, I will just add that when thinking of this...
In our case, DS says he can't stand up to anyone because he is immediately verbally attacked by three or four of their friends. It's a pretty common dynamic.
... you'd want to be sure that your child has a good grasp of where the line is drawn between standing up to someone, and saying something inappropriate which may cause
him to be seen as a bully/instigator/aggressor, and/or may escalate the situation. For example, making a personal attack or insult can be seen as verbal abuse (
ad hominem attack).
You may already be familiar with books which direct teach social cues and friendship... here is a brief roundup:
- direct teaching of
non-verbal cues- direct teaching of
friendship - direct teaching of
perspective taking- link to an article on the Davidson Database,
Tips For Parents: Gifted Children's Friendships-
post with roundup of articles on friendship
Thanks indigo. I will check out the resources. Yes, I agree-- when kids have impairments in social pragmatics it's a major concern that they respond appropriately to stressful, social situations.
I watched DS a bit during the field trip and what I noticed primarily, is that he wasn't picking up social cues. His behavior, at one point, was outright annoying because he wasn't taking hints to stop what he was doing. I also noticed that he did that "thing" where he walked up to other boys, stood too close, and began his conversation without context or forethought about whether the boys would be interested in the topic.
As for responding with bullying, I didn't notice it-- what I saw was DS isolating himself when he felt socially rejected.
I could however, completely see DS inadvertently escalating a situation. He had another boy say something deliberately unkind and try to pass it off as a joke to the other kids. DS decided to take that moment to let the boy know (in front of the group) all of the mean things he had done in the past. Uncool for a few reasons.
I talked candidly with DS and we agreed that "comebacks" are not his strength (social language impairments!), and lecturing other kids on their behavior is going to make things a lot worse. We agreed that ignoring, moving away from someone, giving a wth "look," or in escalating situations, talking to the teacher is the way to go.
I also told him that if others are getting involved in disputes and causing him to feel ganged up on or bullied, it's absolutely fine to say "mind your own business."
