In our district it's required starting in high school (9th grade, typically 14 years old). When students are in upper elementary/middle school I think it can be worthwhile, but otoh, it depends on the attitude of the IEP team - if the attitude is positive and student-focused, I would have my child attend. If it's a negative or combative attitude, where parents are having to fight to get services etc, then I wouldn't have my child attend - we were in a combative situation with our ds' IEP team in upper elementary, and he was already feeling that combativeness and it's impact in the classroom - letting him see it up close and personal in the team meeting would not only not have helped with things, it would have reinforced the feeling he was receiving from the school that he didn't "really" have a disability but was lazy, as well as reinforcing that the school did not want to help him.
OTOH, had it been a positive supportive environment I would have included him. Talking about his disability in and of itself was never an issue - he didn't like that he has a disability, but he still had it, so talking about it, brainstorming ways to accommodate, getting his input into what helped and didn't help in the classroom, was valuable. I was taking providing a lot of that input at the meetings - having him there to back up what I was attempting to communicate would have been helpful. We did have large meetings with people that ds might not have known, but the way the meetings were run required each participant to introduce themselves, explain who they were and explain why they were included in the meeting. In a positive environment, I think that would have been a positive experience for my ds, just to see who was involved in making decisions about the IEP and how they were involved.
My ds is in high school and has a 504 plan now. He isn't fond of attending his 504 meetings, but only because it's something he has to do that takes time, not because of anything that happens at the meeting. It's been a good experience to have him attend because he sees that not all of his teachers understand why he uses accommodations, and that's good info to have even if it's uncomfortable info. Also as our kids grow thru their teen years, the responsibility shifts from having parents advocate for them to self-advocacy - this happens not only with accommodations etc for disabilities, it happens with routine situations throughout their lives, so unless there's a compelling reason not to include a high school student in their meetings, I would include them.
Best wishes,
polarbear
