I'll recommend a book that I just finished, that resonates with a lot of the advice you've received here: Raising Human Beings, by Ross Greene. He's the author of The Explosive Child, which gets recommended around here regularly, but this is his thoughts about applying his techniques to kids who aren't necessarily explosive. It's got a lot of examples in it, and I found it to be a really interesting read even though I have a lot of experience with his system.