I'm happy to share my experience, but be aware that I think my little Spock-like child is much more self-aware and capable of putting his feelings into words than a lot of kids his age, even HG+ kids, are. I wouldn't recommend requiring the level of explicitness that I'm going to describe from my child from most other kids before taking action. I think harm is done well before it reaches the point we were at.
DS7 (then 5-6) had a good experience in public school K. His teacher got him--she IDd him for GT testing without my advocating even a little!--and she differentiated for him without my lifting a finger. I think it helped that it was a half-day class, too, so he had time to himself, time to be alone after school.
All year long, DS was his usual rule-following self (as he had always been--he was a kid I could tell something to once and never worry that he'd break the rule). He didn't even get a "yellow light" warning for his behavior, let alone a "red light," and that was a TREMENDOUS source of pride for him. He liked being a good kid and he enjoyed school.
Then he hit first grade...<ominous music swells>
He came home the first day of school--Day #1!!!--threw down his backpack in a huff, and said, "I am NOT going back to 1st grade! And if you MAKE me go back, then I am NOT going to second grade because it will be even LONGER and MORE BORING than 1st grade!"
Hard to miss that message, huh?!
The teacher didn't get him, didn't TRY to get him, didn't differentiate, even when it would have taken no effort on her part to do so.
DS began acting out in class and at home. He was nasty to me and mean to his brother. He was angry and depressed. He missed recesses regularly, as did ALL the bright kids (which should be a sign that something's not working, right?). This punishment took its toll on DS, who began to think of himself as a "bad kid," despite my efforts to stop this shift. She later began bribing the kids for good behavior as well as punishing bad, usually letting them "earn" sugary treats. Great. How about just teaching them instead? *sigh*
I volunteered in the class and saw that she was requiring the kids to sit through 15 minutes of explanation on how to do an assignment--a pre-K level assignment, I might add! With pictures only, no words. Just place the pictures in order--that the kids took 5 minutes to complete. She explained SEVEN times how to do it! SEVEN! I counted! It was crazy! Having been to the K class, I knew that NONE of the kids in that 1st grade class needed THAT level of explanation; certainly not my child.
(Though BTW, I hadn't yet seen the GT testing results, so I figured he was MG, not HG+.)
Anyway, what was DS doing through all this excruciating explanation? Sliding around the back of the circle on his rear telling other kids to behave themselves! But then he couldn't answer a question because he wasn't paying attention, and he didn't finish the assignment because he was SICK OF IT! He talked to the kids at his table instead.
It was horrible to watch!
I e-mailed the teacher to express my concern about DS's behavior and to ask what I could do to support her. It was NOT an advocacy message--I wasn't there yet! It was a "I'm on your team; what can I do to help?" message. I didn't say he was bored in class, or even hint at it. The only request I made was to ask if she could send home more challenging books for me to read with DS for our nightly assignment. He was reading chapter books, but he was bringing home "I see a dog" books, often with only one word changed on each page!
She responded with a very negative, defensive 9-paragraph rant about how I didn't seem to trust her with my child. Um, well, I didn't after that! I showed the exchange to a couple of friends not in the school system just to be sure that I didn't deserve what I got. All agreed she was WAY out of line given my message. They were shocked at her tone. One actually said, "You can't leave him with her! You have to change teachers or something." Still, I sent an apology to her. She didn't write back. At all. Ever.
It was clear to me at that point that keeping DS with her was no longer an option. Any attempt to advocate would surely be met with more of the same, and I knew that eventually I was going to have to advocate under the circumstances. It was an impossible situation.
To make my long story less long, I met with the GT coordinator to get his scores, saw how high his achievement scores were--1-2 SDs higher than I expected, since I thought he was MG. Oops!--and knew something drastic had to be done.
We considered asking for a grade skip, but our system hates grade skips. I hadn't yet read the research on skips, plus DS is into sports, so at the time I personally wasn't wild about the idea of a grade skip. (That's one thing I might do differently if I had it to do over.) Because it was already late Sept. and we had done no research or budgeting for private schools, DH and I decided our only real choice was to pull DS out for "emergency homeschooling" for the year.
Homeschooling has not been without its bumpy moments, but it has worked so well overall that we're homeschooling again this year. At some point I suspect DS will wind up at the local private GT school so that he has easier access to upper level science courses and the like, but for now, HSing is the better option for us.
And that's how and why we left the school system. At least it has a happy ending!
