ElizabethN, thanks for the book recommendation. I just ordered it too. My dd is also in middle school and we spend a lot of time trying to untangle things.

I've also found helpful information from the organization Girls Leadership Institute. "Girls Leadership teaches girls the skills to know who they are, what they believe, and how to express it, empowering them to create change in their world." They have girl/parent classes as well as useful information on their website.