Ren - we have gone through this too, with the reading. I posted awhile back on this very issue, but can't find it. I gave up on worrying about it too much. I have now come to the conclusion that DS4 is learning to read without my help through being read to and playing computer games. I always make him read chapter titles, though, and I always am surprised when he knows a word I didn't think he would. We continue to read to DS, and when he feels like it, DS reads a bit too. I'll sometimes say, "i'll read more, but you have to help by taking turns reading pages." Do you let your DD pick out her own books at the library? I've heard that helps for some kids (not mine - he still wants us to read to him).
As to incentives, I am guilty. I got some singapore math books because DS was upset that he couldn't do some of the math games on his educational software. He was interested at first, but now not so much. (I'm thinking the problem is that we haven't gotten to the "new" material yet, but i wanted to start at the beginning for a foundation.) Anyway, he's been begging for more indiana jones lego sets, and i told him if he did a little of his math each day i'd get him a set. I think I cave a little too easily (i like legos too)... Maybe quarters would work - that would be much cheaper!
