DD11 has always been a terrible sleeper so we have tried just about everything except the mattress at the foot of our bed - no way she ever would have stayed there. With melatonin she is falling asleep easier and staying asleep but is still very, very active in her sleep. For years the routine was one of us laying next to her reading, turning off the light and staying there until she fell asleep. Clutching us. Occasionally there were short periods of time when she would let us leave after reading or even put herself to sleep without us reading but these tended to be short lived. We would find her walking around the house or hear her throwing herself into the wall as she rolled around in her sleep. We would hear talking, laughing, shouting, crying in her sleep. It was never restful and she frequently asked to sleep with me "in the big bed". We were willing to do almost anything in an effort to get her the sleep she needed.
I have spent the last year focused on identifying exactly what her multitude of LD and physical issues were and trying to determine if anything could be done about any of them. In the process we weaned her off migraine meds, got a clean bill of health on the anxiety and identified several new areas to remediate. We also got her school program functioning well to meet the needs of both her E's. In other words we are in the best shape we have ever been on this 2E journey. And yet DD decided on non school nights she was going to sleep with me. Period. I figured she has so much she has to deal with it was not a battle I was going to wage.
The first night of summer break she climbed into my bed declaring it a non school night - and she stayed the rest of the summer. At the age of 10 1/2. DH is very active overnight and never sleeps through. He watches tv, does artwork or even goes to campus to grade or work on a project in the middle of the night. When he gets tired he will fall asleep on the couch for a while. No he is never really rested but DD being in our bed didn't really affect him too much...
So now I have an 11 year old who only wants to sleep with me. Did I ever think I would allow this? No. But I'm not fighting her. I realize that while still restless and active in her sleep she is waking up seeming more rested. On the nights she has slept in her own bed recently she has more often than not woken up with me - not always remembering how she got there. She seems to sleepwalk less this way and if she sits up in her sleep she just lays back down rather then getting herself up to walk across the hallway to find me.
I figure pretty soon she will reach the age where she doesn't even want to acknowledge having a mother let alone wanting to spend time with me or sleep in my bed. While we have a good handle on things now I realize she still has a mighty full plate coping with all her challenges and if this makes things easier for her I'm willing to go with it. She is quite independent during her waking hours and always has been but when it comes to sleep she feels more comfortable having me there. She has no trouble sleeping over at friends' homes and wants to go to sleep away camp this summer so I'm thinking we're ok.
I realize you are dealing with a boy so that might change things, ie less likely to let an 11 year old boy sleep with me than an 11 year old girl. But at 9 I'm not so sure.
HTH
