Back from my meeting. It was interesting and will be helpful I think.
Principal asked several questions that led me to believe she was listening. At first, the biggest struggle was, "I get that he feels uneasy in kid-to-kid interaction, because it feels unpredictable and scary. But I don't get why this would cause him to go on the offensive, or do such silly things. So I don't know how to help him stop himself."
We worked through DS's unshakable belief that he is going to fail at social interaction, and SHE pointed out that he probably sabotages scary interactions so he can "hurt them before they hurt me." And she immediately recognized that some of his ridiculous behavior is a failed attempt to make friends by being funny. She's a little notorious for pranking colleagues, and I saw the stunned look in her eye when I pointed out that sometimes, DS thinks he playing a prank, not being mean.
That led her to shake her ahead and remark how DS is having troubles that he shouldn't face until he's more grown up. Subtle stuff like the delicate line between a mean trick and an April Fool's joke, and how it's different for every person in every setting. "Little kid society should just be so much simpler than this." But she also remarked that she often talked to him almost as a peer about human interactions, trust, friendship, social pressure, loss, etc.
I think she ended up baffled, but thinking hard about how to help him. And one of her last points was "You just can't talk to him the way you talk to other kids. He just doesn't reason or think the same way they do." I think I'll have to take that as a win.
Thanks all for your help.
