am admittedly a touchy-feely type, but I agree with your DS! He should not be blamed, but supported. I hate that these things are always framed as "responsibility" instead of "organizational skills." No wonder sensitive kids get down on themselves--when they make mistakes, it's addressed with characterological language instead of skill-based.
I think it's amazingly insightful that he *told* you he is sensitive and shouldn't be blamed for forgetting his "stuff". I think even for non-sensitive children, if the challenge is potentially related to a disability, it's really important to structure your thoughts and the conversations with your ds and the things you do for support from a framework of helping him learn a skill, not viewing it and responding to it as something he's forgetting to do. I hope that makes sense!
Yes, I absolutely agree with you, polarbear and eco. I try not to sound like I am blaming him, but he goes to the after-care program after school, and sometimes, the after-care staff blames him. So, all in all, he thinks it is very hard to remember everything and bring it back (even though it is a maximum of 4 things).
I talked to him at length today, and he has told me that he prefers having a check-list that a grown-up (the teacher) can go over with him, rather than just being told to pack up. He also told me that he wishes he could do it without the teacher's help, but right now, he cannot.
Six to seven times a month sounds like heaven to me! Both of my kiddos have been horrendous at remembering things. I have to keep reminding DS, who doesn't go to the brick-and-mortar school anymore, that he was, indeed, as bad as his sister is at remembering to bring things home -- because he's always teasing her about it, and he's the pot calling the kettle black.
I may have exaggerated the six or seven times. It is probably like ten times. I've started a log, so I can remember and track it. I remember everything I need, everything I would need, everything I needed in the past, you get the picture -- I think I have exceptional EF skills. So, in a way, it is hard for me to deal with this level of forgetfulness.
I have sent an email to the teacher requesting that the checklist be implemented.
mom2one, 3rd graders are still learning EF/organizational skills, so there are going to be some kids for whom 6-7 times a month is totally normal. OTOH, I would think that for your ds (based on his past testing that you've posted about and diagnoses), that it's quite probable his organizational challenges are related to his other challenges.
I think this is the case. He's very, very good at certain things, but really does not seem to care too much about clothes/shoes being untied or backpacks/lunchbags or whatever. I am seriously worried about the increasing expectations for EF skills as he grows older. He really needs a checklist, and someone to walk him through the list every single day. He's still not independent with the checklist (I've asked him many times, but he says he's too busy thinking about other things (and not so much about the checklist).
