Regarding checking with the mom, I'm of mixed feelings there. That sort of puts a "different" label on-- to be friends with this one, you need to ask mom.
That really wasn't what I meant at all - i.e., checking with mom to see if they could be friends. What I meant was checking with mom to see how her child would possibly feel about having another student try to actively help other kids be the childs' friend. Basically find out how sensitive the student would be about that type of "help". As a parent, I wouldn't even tell my child I was checking in with the other mom, it's just information that might be helpful to *me* to help guide my child if he was suggesting he could help show the other kids how to be friends with the child. (That was part of what I read into the OP's question - please forgive me if I'm remembering it incorrectly).
If someone wants to help, even if done poorly, I see it kind of on the path to self acceptance where the child is helped to realize that the friend cares about them and wants to help, but that it's OK to not want help and it doesn't mean anything bad about either person.
On the other hand, kids with disabilities already may be getting lots of "you're different" messages from the world. Which is the way my dd interpreted the friend who wanted to "help" her - that she was different and seen as *needing* to be helped. She just wanted people to see her as strong and not needing special help, and she was struggling 24 hours a day already knowing she needed help. So a reasonable non-LD adult person might think - so... why not just say thank you, I don't need help, and move on... but a kid who's living with the LD is going to potentially process it in a very different way. And no, it absolutely doesn't mean anything "bad" about the other person! It's just a point about being sensitive to how another person might feel about being "helped".
polarbear
