Do you have any other reason to suspect it's a spectrum thing? (Since you bring it up.)
Her cousin (age 17) is diagnosed Aspie, and the big indicator was the temper tantrums he exhibited in early elementary. DD's temper tantrums were particularly violent and seemed to go on longer in age than many other kids I knew/read about. So, I guess I've always had it in the back of my mind that it was a possibility, even though my SIL tried to ease my concerns.
To the OP, re your dd having playdates and invitations to birthday parties - I'd look more closely at - does she seem to have friendships with other children? Are their children she seems to be close to and care about?
She does have friends, but complains that she has no "best friend." She feels like all of the kids are paired off, and she is not. She does have friends call occasionally for playdates (we're beyond mom-organized ones by a couple of years), and is invited to parties that other kids aren't invited to. She has a couple of friends that she's part of an ongoing text chat with. I think it's one of the benefits of being in a really small school-- ~40 kids per grade.
Spaghetti--the rigid thinking thing sounds spot on. Thanks for that phrase to go to Google with.
