I get this hunch that most people feel DD4 can do what she can do because of the home environment and exposure. Meaning, any children would be "advanced" if they were fortunate enough to have parents who would pay for music lessons and have the time to help practice.
Ohhhhh... this makes me CRAZY. LOL even just reading what you've written has me writhing with fury.
I work in education so I see both ends: some kids are delayed in learning regardless of how much extra support they get, and then... some learn at the speed of light and are driven by fervent curiosity to figure things out themselves and are capable of doing so, and become restless and stressed when they don't have access to new information and learning.
Parents of typical kids don't have the experience to see this though. They just don't have the exposure to different levels of cognition, and they assume that if little Johnny had a math tutor he'd also be several grades ahead. No... not necessarily.
