polarbear describes a great example of how education can be done well, even within some of the limits you describe above. As always, it really comes back to the quality of the teachers and what they actually do in the classroom.
Still.... I look at your list and I see a pile of red flags. Yes, they probably have been inundated with tiger parents, and you're feeling the backlash. Nonetheless, what I hear in your quotes is: "This is what we do." I don't hear anything even remotely like "Let's see what your child needs". If their assumption is that their standard practice will be a perfect fit for every kid, I'd be a little wary.
I've spent some time talking with a range of private schools (though we are still, so far, in public). Most of these schools would be a terrible fit for my kids, as they really aim for the high-acheiving, self-motivated, top-of-the-class kids. I don't have any of those. Most private schools do teach a year or so ahead, and have an academically challenging curriculum which involves a much larger workload and considerably more drill and practice to ensure mastery. It's often more, but it's not necessarily deeper or faster. Their definition of gifted usually centres on the kinds of kids who can handle, and thrive, in this environment. If that's your kid(s), then you're a good match. For 2E misfits like mine, not so much.
Most of the private schools I've spoken to, to be honest, describe what to me sounds like a serious hot-housing environment for bright kids, designed to achieve a very specific - and for kids like mine, rather narrow - definition of success. And it's structured to work for a specific - and rather narrow - slice of humanity. Not much room for divergence or creativity.
So what do I look for, with my lovely misfits? By no means are all schools like this. The two schools that made me drool described how they individually assess each kid coming in (up to a full-blown psycho-ed evaluation, even), and put them where they need to be. They didn't care about age. They could describe kids currently in the school who had accelerated multiple grades, because that's what they needed. And others who joined a math class four years in advance but mostly stayed in his own grade because it was a better fit - and some who were also down a grade for certain subjects while ahead in others. And how these placements were changing all the time, as the kids' needs changed. And how they tried stuff out, and if it wasn't working better, they'd go back and/ or look for another way. Of course, the answer doesn't have to be acceleration; that's just a marker for flexibility (especially here, where our province is virulently opposed). So: is different books in lit class as far as their imaginations can stretch the concept of differentiation?
So you may want to look for someone who has a decent answer to "What do you do with kids who don't fit perfectly into the box you've defined?" Do they look at the kid and try to change the box to make a better match - - - or do they keep squashing and chipping away at the kid to try and jam them in?
