Some things really stand out to me in your post, Helianthus:
says he hates school. He also hated his day care and until recently has vehemently not wanted to go back
Is he, just personality-wise, a kid that has a lot of trouble with changes? With unpredictable environments? (My own DD was definitely that way until she was-- er-- well, never mind. She is still a bit this way at 15, and is irked beyond words that a student from another section
took her regular seat during a math midterm last week. )
doesn't really have close friends at school, although he did in day care
How long was he in the same daycare setting, anyway? (see above-- it often is a long, and painfully slow process for my own DD to feel as though she is accepted and comfortable, and she's quiet and compliant, but not happy, until that happens)
None of them see any behavioral or social problems at school. Somehow, when he's there, he's a normal, happy, does-as-he's-asked kid
They said that he's
happy? Bit of a mismatch from what you are seeing, isn't it? That's the root of the issue right there-- and I'd NOT be quick to assume that this is a matter of the environment not being suitable, since you've also seen it before (daycare). This may be a matter of having a child that struggles with adjustment issues-- or a child that prefers mom and dad to ANY other setting, and is willing to do whatever it takes to get more of what he wants in that respect (your attention/time).
he really likes his gifted teacher
Emotionally, he's very cuddly, and he likes his teachers to be warm and fuzzy. His current teacher is not, and he says he hates her, too.
Okay-- thinking that this is probably a matter which is in some ways
exacerbating the underlying problem. My hypothesis is that you have a little boy who doesn't like change, doesn't like unpredictability, and likes his surroundings to be warm and affectionate toward him. In other words, his ideal is probably HOME and YOU.
That said, the contrast between home (pleasant and exactly as he likes his environment in this respect) and the current gifted teacher (also MUCH more to his tastes than the regular teacher), coupled with the cognitive needs at work-- that is probably leading to an even more extreme (and negative) perception in his mind re: his school setting in the regular K classroom.
How is his adjustment in general? Slow? It sounds so from your description of how much he dislikes separation from you.
If so, I'd just warmly accept what he says, and offer sympathy, but not take it
too seriously. Just listen and let him know that you hear him, and that this is a hard thing for him. Obviously not if you have reasons to think that there is something specific underlying his emotional response-- of course. Some kids just have to work on their ability to be in new social settings and to warm up to their surroundings.
Frankly, the fact that he is being given GT enrichment twice DAILY is astonishing in K-- around here, that'd be absolutely unheard-of. I don't see what you could do which would be
better for him, truly.
One of the reasons why we placed DD into a school at 6yo (rather than continue to homeschool) was that we saw a real
need for her to gain the ability to adjust to different teaching and interpersonal styles. She was manipulative, honestly. If you have a kid that struggles some that way (and if so, you have my sympathies, because my own DD is this way, too)-- he probably needs all the practice he can get throughout childhood.
The fact that YOU are the only ones hearing/seeing this from him is at least possibly a warning flag to me that he may behaving in a (slightly) manipulative fashion, knowing that you will feel badly for his distress and respond with making him more comfortable. Whether that is a good idea depends upon whether or not this is really something that has growth potential for him. In a case like Dude's DD, it didn't, and therefore removal from the setting was the right thing to do.
In a case like my DD's, not-so-much. Rescuing her would have just taught her learned helplessness and that discomfort derived only from external sources and was cause for alarm. It also would have reinforced her tendencies to manipulate us.
