Hi all,
We started DS (4.5) in kindergarten this year. We're lucky enough to live in a state that has a process for early entry K.
However, we're concerned that he's just not socially and emotionally ready, and we're wondering if we should hold him back so that he starts kindergarten next year with his age cohort. We'd hate to make him sit through all of the phonics and counting again, but we are seeing a lot of behavioral issues at home that didn't exist before school (including toileting issues). He also has a really hard time separating from us. It wasn't until this month that I could drop him off without someone holding his hand, hugging him, or otherwise physically leading him away, usually while he was crying. Day care was the same way.
He says he hates school. He also hated his day care and until recently has vehemently not wanted to go back. He says he only wants to stay home with DH and I, which is not an option. In the last two weeks, he has said he just wants to play all day at day care. How can we say no to that? The kid's only four, and he's a young 4--won't turn 5 until March. The only feasibly day care option will not engage his mind, but it will allow him to play much of the day.
He doesn't really have close friends at school, although he did in day care. He says he hates everyone in his current class. We've been working with the principal, the guidance counselor, and the school psychologist to try to figure out how to help. None of them see any behavioral or social problems at school. Somehow, when he's there, he's a normal, happy, does-as-he's-asked kid. The psychologist honestly had no idea he was only 4 until we told her; she thought he was just like all the other 5 year olds.
He does get pulled out one to two times a day for gifted instruction with another small group of kids, and he really likes his gifted teacher.
We're looking at other schools for next year, but most of the options around here are run by lottery, so the odds of getting in as a first-grader are near zero. We are considering paying for a new private gifted school that is starting, but the cost of attendance is a big barrier (about $12k/year).
We have no idea what to do. His FSIQ is 148 and his achievement test is similarly high. Making him re-do kindergarten seems...cruel. But so does forcing him to go to a school that he hates where he has no friends. Emotionally, he's very cuddly, and he likes his teachers to be warm and fuzzy. His current teacher is not, and he says he hates her, too. I asked about switching teachers, but the principal is reluctant to do so (understandably).
I'm sure that many of you have faced this conflict between emotional and cognitive needs. How do you muddle through? Right now we feel like we're choosing the least worst option, but that doesn't give us much solace.
Has anyone held back a kid who did early entry kindergarten? If we did hold him back, he would go to a different school. So there wouldn't be questions from his peers. I know the research on holding back in general paints it as a bad option, but this feels slightly different.
Please help! I'd love to hear from anyone who's been in a similar situation. Did you tough it out? Hold your kid back? Something else?
