Boy - this is a tough one. I think I might check in with her teachers to see if there has been any trajectory towards improvement. Sometimes I think I am seeing improvement - only to see her very shy again on a different day, in a different situation.
She has an older sister who is really great with her -so when they are in a new situation - her older sister will often take her by the hand and help her until my younger daughter feels comfortable. Generally speaking, I think she is OK with kids -slow to warm up - but able to play well and make friends as long as the situation is not too loud or chaotic....she does not really interact too much with adults though. At birthday parties though - with no older sister around to help out - she will cling to my skirt and not leave my side... even with kids that she knows well.
One of the more surprising things that happened this year was that she started having accidents at school. She has been potty trained since she was 2. I guess at preschool they would just line them up twice per day and bring them to the bathroom, so she never had to ask before... at a new school, kindergarten, with new teachers- she was too shy to ask to go. She would hold it all day, or have an accident. I spoke with her teacher, and now they ask her if she needs to go - but for me that was the point when I started to think that the shyness was not just a cute little kid thing anymore.
I think I would be averse to medication unless other interventions failed... I am not sure how I can help her from home though. I am fairly sure she would not talk to a therapist - I could talk to one to find out what to talk with her about - but I am not sure that is the same thing.
I will say she is happy at school. It is not like she is so shy that she does not want to go - so that is good. Her teachers are loving - I don't think they would ever say something like "no recess unless you start talking".
I tried to have her set a goal to raise her hand once per day at school. For a while I would ask her if she did - sometimes she did - at least at first - but then it seems like she stopped - so I stopped asking, because I did not want to push it too hard.
I wish I had a magic wand. Wondering what has worked for other kids.
