What worked overall for DS8: taking this year to focus on identifying issues and remediating, and pouring tons of time into working with the school to figure out what was going on. Working with a strict, demanding, determined teacher - DS might have had an easier year in another class but because of her tireless efforts, we were able to really drill down on what was going on. I think (hope) we are now on the same page, and DS seems really happy with the recent changes.
What didn't work: CBT and (surprisingly) the neuropsych evaluation. DS ran rings around the therapist, and the neuropsych wrote reams about his oppositional behavior without catching the issues (like vision) behind it. As a bonus she barred him from the one private school I thought might be a good fit. If we go back for another eval in a few years, it may be worth traveling to a 2/e specialist.
Successes: OT, mostly vestibular with a bit of social skills coaching thrown in. Vision therapy (in process). Cursive. Keyboarding. And what feels like a very strong IEP for next year, with a case manager who clearly adores him. Also, getting off the beaten path for activities. Now that he is old enough for classes like fencing and robotics, he is starting to find his tribe - the kids in those activities are quirky and divergent in a way that we just didn't see in more mainstream sports/enrichment activities. For the summer, he'll be at a non-sporty outdoor camp with lots of swimming, boating, climbing, and time to choose his own activities like archery and nature exploration, so we are hoping that will be a good match.
DD4 has had an easier year. Well, other than hand surgery; she writes a lot better now that she has opposable thumbs. :-) We did change preschools and it was the right move, I think - the old school favored her to the point that we used to say that if DD hit another child, they would probably reprove the other child for irritating her. While she is still a force of nature in the new school, the change in environment slightly slowed her drive towards world domination, and many more of her new friends will be in K with her in the fall. I have already warned the school that she is very much like DS, except stronger-willed and less sensitive. If they give her the same brittle, high-strung K teacher he had, I will not be sympathetic.
