One speaker at a gifted conference advised the audience that we should treat our children as we would our dear adult friend. She used the example of the friend coming over to tea and she accidentally spilled the tea Twice! To the kid we might flare in anger and say they need to be more careful--go get a towel to clean it up! To the dear adult friend we would probably say something like "You're a little off today, honey" while we mopped it up. I don't know it that's completely relevant to this thread, but I loved that part of her speech.
I don't think I agree with this. I don't think there's much point in flying off the handle, but I would definitely ask my kids to clean up after themselves. I would not ask that of a guest.
