Trisha
On many levels, I could have written your post. Same issues with school, tried grade skip and full time highly gifted program and still some of the same behavior issues (although he did like school more). He went through full neuropsych eval - connors ratings, classroom observation and additional testing to rule out other issues and did end up getting an ADHD combined diagnosis at just shy of his 8th birthday. DS is now 10.
So just some things to think about: Connors on parent end for us did not show ADHD - we are an intense family and in some ways his (our) intensitites are normal life to us - we do not see his activity level as a problem and recognize that different people are just wired differently - that's just the way our kid is. His normal was our normal - hence no problem for us. Nothwithstanding that - looking back on my end - he has always been a lot of work to parent (and a lot of joy no doubt) but he has never been and likely will never be easy to parent. We are also a family of 3 (thought DH and DS are extroverts)and in our little bubble, he was (is) manageable. In fact, for me that's enough - but the two of them like other people, so I have to get out of my bubble sometimes, and that's more of a challenge for all of us.
Working on behavior. What we did for behavior at that time was develop a chart that included 2 of the behaviors that we wanted to work on and one that was kind of a gimmee - ie a behavior that he would be relatively successful at all or most of the time. Our two target behaviors were - don't touch other kids or their stuff and list to the teacher the first time. The teacher would rate him great, good, fair, poor each day. We also included a section for her to comment on one thing he did really well during the day and we made a big deal about that thing at dinner time. At home - we had longer term goals for which he got rewards - something he wanted or a family trip, etc. Things got better (though he still struggles mightly with impulse control and asynchronous development)and I have also tried to work on other executive functioning issues with him and we have yet to medicate. However, we are currently looking into that now.
Please know that you are not alone in your issues or your doubts. I struggle with what is ADHD and what is HG+ - someone once said to me in discussing all of this: "I've been mulling this question over for 8 years, and I'm convinced that ADHD in a HG or PG kid is so 'different' that it may as well be a seperate disorder, which just coincedently responds to the same treatment. Sort of like the idea that a few genes in this direction are an evolutionary advantage, but too many tip the boat over and are a strong disadvantage. . ." I have not been mulling this over for 8 years yet, but I definitely mull. I think if your son is showing some benefit from medication that is a good sign - especially in the impulse control and in giving the focus to develop executive functing skills that come more easily to others.
Good luck.
