She sounds very much like our DD, also in the last year of middle school. Very tough on herself, works very hard, gives herself extra challenges, etc. she has always done this, but agree that as demands of school ramp up it can get overwhelming.
We have actually noticed an improvement overall in this past year, though I'm not sure I could give you an answer as to why. My suspicion is probably not going to be helpful to you, though.
Last year D became involved in her school's science olympiad team, a very intense, high-expectations group. The kids are expected to be independently (in pairs) preparing (with some guidance) for competitions, and because their team has a history of being quite successful, there is a lot of pressure. Anyway, the events are more or less open-ended, meaning that kids can never "finish" studying, or practicing or building for their events. Their team does practice a lot, but I think with that preparation came gradual realization that one needs to place limits and prioritize. They could never do it all, so had to sort of decide when they felt competent, confident, that they knew their stuff (or tested their machine enough, or whatever). Kind of like preparing for an audition- there is a sort of artificial limit (time), but kids can always practice more, make more improvements. I think the more of this kind of thing DD has done, the more easily she has been able to feel comfortable with being "prepared enough" if you know what I mean.
I suspect some of her improvement in this area also has to do with general development and maturity- she is developing new interests (particularly socially) and is more willing to sort of "let go" in some other areas. It may also help that she has had a lot of academic recognition/external validation over the past year or so which has helped her relax somewhat on that front; she knows that even less than her full effort will be more than enough.
I'm not sure if any of these musings will be helpful or transferable, but I think it's a great question. Looking forward to reading some other responses.
