... tested to enter Kindergarten a year early... the school psychologist who administered the tests felt that she was definitely mature enough the start kindergarten... state law says she is too young to enter school... it's a regional decision... Four days before school we were notified that she could go.
Like many schools, they seem totally unprepared for a gifted child, and are at a loss as to what to do, as they may not have previously exercised the gifted policies and practices.
our school is a "failing" school... Chicago
Have you looked into the Illinois Association for Gifted Children (IAGC), state affiliate of National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC)? That may help you gain some local contacts and allies, and meet other parents of gifted children. Possibly key school personnel such as the psychologist may already be involved in IAGC or interested to learn more to advocate for DD and other gifted pupils.
... principal and board decided not to tell the teacher our daughter's age... it was obviously a problem for her.
One strategy might be to ensure that this stays the teacher's problem, in other words, that teacher is not allowed to project her issues onto your DD. It seems you have a degree of support from the psychologist, principal, and board. They may be interested to meet with you occasionally to see how things are going
from your view as a parent (essentially to see if early entrance to kindergarten is a decision they would consider again, when an outwardly similar set of circumstances may arise). This may also be an opportunity to share books or articles on giftedness. There is a free Davidson Educator's Guild which they may also be interested to join.
The teacher told me on the first day of school that she prefers parents wait and put kids into kindergarten at six instead of five.
Possibly you are already keeping a log? The teacher's attitude could indicate a negative, self-fulfilling prophecy.
The attitudes described could explain why it is a failing school... if children are thought of in terms of their weaknesses they may lose self-esteem and the will to learn. They may not think of themselves as having a growth mindset. (I think of Carol Dweck adding "... YET." As in, someone may not be interested in art ...YET.
the teacher said to me, across a classroom filled with kids and parents "You know she will be bullied in high school." I said, "Let's worry about kindergarten right now." And I left.
Good answer. Meanwhile, teacher seems to be the bully in kindergarten. When something happens, such as being pushed by another child, you may wish to learn whether kids were being reckless, not mindful of personal space when someone was coming down the slide or playing a game, or whether it was a willful act. Then you may wish to discuss strategies and possible responses with your daughter.
Because your daughter seems to want to stay in kindergarten, you may wish to ask her what she likes best about kindergarten. Some have had good results by asking each day what was the best thing that happened... what was the worst thing that happened. Another parent has shared on a recent thread how important it is that children tell their parents everything, so the parents can be well-informed advocates.
For the meeting... agenda?
