MoN is saying pretty much everything that I'd say, too.
To that wisdom, I'll just add-- having a HG+ "pleaser" daughter, who is prone to anxiety, perfectionism, and depressive thoughts...
listen to your heart. You
know your child. It sounds to me as though your inner voice is whispering to you that this situation is harming your DD
far more than your rational brain will admit right now.
Listen to that voice. You can't hit "un-do" on this kind of emotional damage with some kids-- and you've listed what I'd call red flags there, in terms of your DD's inherent personality characteristics and her awareness of her circumstances. She sounds very willing to internalize the message here-- that being "you're a problem because you don't just sit there and do what you're told. There is something WRONG with YOU."
I don't think that I'd leave my child in a place where she was being told that every day.
